* Credit: meme descriptions courtesy of kwinse
* Plea: if someone can read sign language, I'd love to know what Meulin/Kurloz say?
- * click top-right icon
-
Use the arrow keys or WASD to move, and space to interact.
- * try door directly to your north
-
> Examine
The door is locked. You knock, but no one answers.
This seems to be an Alternian neighborhood. Aside from all the violence, Alternian culture seems like it must have been pretty similar to life on Beforus, lawn rings and all. Then again, as a spoiled runaway princess, you never did spend much time in the burbs, so what do you know.
- * there's a bin to the west
-
> Examine
An ordinary domestic DROSS COFFER. It's full of smelly garbage, but it hasn't been dragged outside the ring yet. Maybe the waste collection drone isn't scheduled to make a pickup tonight?
- * and a hose
-
> Examine
No self respecting Alternian troll kid would dare keep a dry, unwatered lawn ring. Letting the grass outside your hive turn yellow is just begging to get yourself culled. Harsh, but fair, you think. God life on Alternia was so great.
- * to the east, some eyes in the bushes
-
> Examine
Better leave it alone. Might have the troll rabies.
- * and a chest
-
> Open
You got an ALTERNIAN SOFT DRINK!
You're not really up on Alternian history, but apparently at some point the empress got fed up with the Subjugglators' stranglehold on the soda market, and released a drink that was said to be more loaded with sugar than even the wicked elixir itself. The Highbloods considered such marketing reports to be blasphemous lies, however. And they were right. The beverage actually contained zero calories, which she secretly mandated so as to preserve her slim figure. But all the lowblood suckers guzzled cans down by the billions none the wiser, while the crafty Condesce raked in the cash.
If someone actually told you this story, you'd spend the next ten minutes fangirling on the floor.
- * go down steps to southwest, visit seahorse lusus
-
> Examine
The hovering maritime stallion issues a stern, fatherly neigh.
#seahorse dad
- * go to Cronus
-
> Talk to Cronos
CRONUS: wvell vwell wvelvlw...
MEENAH: ...
CRONUS: GLO8ES.
MEENAH: wha
#38?
CRONUS: i sawv you vwalking my vway, and i had this smooth line all ready to go.
CRONUS: but for some reason i decided to open it vwith a tongue tvwister?
CRONUS: vwery nice ampora, starting your killer line with three consecutivwe 'W' vwords in a rowv.
#W's are hard #theyre hard and no one understands #(V's too)
MEENAH: what uh
MEENAH: was your killer pickup line goin to be
MEENAH: or should i ask
#no
CRONUS: sigh, nevwer evwen MIND, its so ruined nowv.
#just nevwer EVWEN
CRONUS: i just sawv you strutting in my direction, vwith all of your impressivwe moxy and confidence, for the first time in, howv long?
CRONUS: and i got a little excited. i vwas going to blowv you out of the vwater vwith that line, but, i guess nothings changed?
MEENAH: guess not
MEENAH: sounds like youre still the bard of tries too hard
CRONUS: oh, nice. you alvways knewv howv to tvwist the fork.
CRONUS: actually, all you girls are quite adept at tvwisting your respectivwe utensils.
#utensilkind
CRONUS: the guys too, now that i think about it. can i ask you a question? why do all you pretentious scenester types enjoy being so cruel to especially sensitivwe and artistic people?
MEENAH: so i take it even after a billion sweeps here with a boat load of eligible spook shorties to mack on
MEENAH: you still never got any action
CRONUS: first you tvwist the fork, then you use it to pry into my personal life? thats really just so svwell of you, meenah.
CRONUS: vwithout commenting specifically on that, (because seriously, VWHAT? so rude), i vwill say that it gets vwery frustrating after the first fewv epochs trying to make heads or tails vwhat people are evwen LOOKING for. i mean, in ANY quadrant.
CRONUS: nowv, please don't tell anyone i said so, but you and i both knowv pretty much all these people should feel honored to go out vwith a guy like me.
CRONUS: vwhat being royalty and all, and not evwen slightly put off by dating dowvn on the spectrum. i mean, really, howv much more evwident can i make it to evweryone that im really a cool, progressivwe, easy going dude, vwho doesnt take the social order seriously or buy into any of the stereotypes? first of all, as if the hemospectrum scene isnt 8EYOND played out.
#you should be sticking your fork in THAT
CRONUS: i barely EVWER evwen bring up my high social status. it couldnt be LESS of a big deal to me, but i think people maybe are still intimidated by it? theyre probably putting me on a pedestal, in spite of all my easy going assurances that my royal lineage is something i nevwer evwen think about. like, no friend, i am just like you. vwe laugh at the same jokes, listen to, vwell, to some extent, the same music...
#i at least USED to listen to music you like #does that count?
CRONUS: all these cats and kittens, im telling you. theyre alvways drawvn to the freaks and rejects. you havwe to be 8ROKEN in some vway to get a little concupiscent attention.
#cats #kittens #freaks #rejects #broken
CRONUS: they nevwer seem to givwe the time of day to a guy vwhos sensitivwe, and listens to people, and sticks to his poetry and music, and i guess... just someone vwho tries to be there for them.
#sensitivwe #listens #poetry #music #there for them
CRONUS: hovwevwer, the bright side of my vwarious rejections is that is has helped me craft a privwate list of people vwho are objectivwely fucking terrible, vwhich id be happy to share vw...
CRONUS: meenah? vwhered you go?
CRONUS: crud, she vwalked avway vwhile i vwas saying stuff.
CRONUS: really blewv that one in record time.
> Ask Cronus to join
MEENAH: gonna make this quick
MEENAH: and this aint like a diving board for you to launch off about your feelins and romprobs
MEENAH: just gimme a straight answer
MEENAH: im gettin a posse together to kill an invincible monster you want in y/n
#yolo #even though #you can die twice?? #w/e
CRONUS: vwhoa, NICE. just got here, and youre already going diabolical, thats the tops.
CRONUS: id lovwe to help. you knowv howv i lovwe to help out, and be there for attractivwe people. thats kind of my thing?
CRONUS: but...
MEENAH: ugh here we go
CRONUS: meenah, i just dont think im in that kind of space nowv in my life. or afterlife, i mean.
MEENAH: what space
CRONUS: an aggressivwe space. ivwe been trying to cool it, be more introspectivwe, search my feelings, vwork on my music.
#grease my hair
CRONUS: i dont think id be much good in a fight. ivwe been trying to get in touch vwith vwho, or i guess vwhat, i really am, and i think ivwe been making some nice breakthroughs.
CRONUS: im telling you this in confidence, but i think im approaching a kind of avwakening, especially since i first started learning about humans. i think i actually might be...
MEENAH: nope
MEENAH: nope nope nope nopenopenope
#uh uh
MEENAH: stop saying whatever that was do not care
CRONUS: youre right, i shouldnt burden you vwith my problems.
CRONUS: forget i said anything. i vwouldnt vwant to compromise our friendship, not evwen to speak of the potential for us to devwelop into something more than just friends.
#by vwhich i mean twvo people vwho freely engage in sexual intercourse
CRONUS: oh, RIGHT. you asked me howv my music vwas going these days, didnt you?
MEENAH: no
CRONUS: its going pretty nicely, i think. been messing vwith dual sawvtooth vwavweforms, i think i really could be hitting on my signature sound.
#if not my signature shape at the vwery least
CRONUS: here, listen to this track. i vwrote it in anticipation of your arrivwal.
[ punkin cravwings (bubstep mix) Click to play ]
MEENAH: not clickin that
CRONUS: um, i see. then, vwhat about...
[ punkin party in sea hipsters vwater apocalypse Click to play ]
MEENAH: nah
[ lunar lust Click to play ]
[ aquasex renegade Click to play ]
[ less pale more pail Click to play ]
MEENAH: ew
#creep
CRONUS: vwait... i probably shouldnt havwe showvn you those. ok, hold on. i knowv i havwe something here youll dig.
[ giwve him another look Click to play ]
[ under your fins all along Click to play ]
[ vwe put the us in royal flushes Click to play ]
MEENAH: so that was a no to my invite then
MEENAH: which got rescinded halfway thru this convo anyways
MEENAH: time to jet before before you sketch me out some more crotimes
> Where's Karkat?
CRONUS: oh, the vwantas lookalike?
CRONUS: yeah he came by this vway. i tried to start a friendly convwersation vwith him, but he just flipped me off and locked himself in that hivwe up there.
#barely evwen had the chance to hit on him #so rude
CRONUS: looks like he conjured the memory of some sort of complicated puzzle door from some ancient ruins. i tried to open it but it looks totally impossible. the kid sure knovws howv to givwe a guy the cold shoulder.
CRONUS: vwhat do you vwant vwith him anyvway?
MEENAH: nofin bye
CRONUS: ah. i see howv it is. cronus gets the shaft, vwhile you scurry avway to flirt vwith some infantile loudmouth. vwhy am i not surprised?
CRONUS: guess im neither mentally unstable or a big enough asshole to catch your eye. no big deal, ill just record my feelings on the subject through a bit of slam poetry and bubble my sorrowvs throughout the... and, yep. looks like im talking to myself again. shes gone.
> Be Cronos
Ew, no. There's not a snowbubble's chance in monster hell you're being this guy.
- * chest to east of puzzle door
-
> Open
You got a DIAMOND KEY!
- * go to door
-
> Use diamond key
- * grub on porch to east
-
> Examine
What?? Some careless soul has left this poor infant grub all alone to fend for itself!
So in other words, just like all grubs on Alternia. Big whoop.
- * north to chest at rear of house
-
> Open
You got a CLAWSICKLE!
You absolutely love this due to its nautical nature. Also, hoarding items such as this will nicely complement your increasingly manic obsession with Karkat.
#so, #there's that too
- * follow path east to next house, chest
-
> Open
You got a whole bunch of SEA DWELLER BLING!
It's pretty obvious this all belongs to Cronus over there. He's just not wearing it right now so he can convince everyone he doesn't feel like his royalty status is a big deal, even though he does.
You have no problem whatsoever selling this shit to the highest bidder though. You pocket the gaudy loot while giggling.
- * try the door
-
> Examine
BANG BANG BANG! Is anybody home??? you say. But of course no one is, because most of these hives are just memory projections.
- * chest outside east of house
-
> Open
You got AHAB'S CROSSHAIRS!
You raise this awesome legendary weapon to the heavens and watch it sparkle a bit...
Just before you bring it down on your knee and snap it in half, while laughing maniacally. You hear a muffled sob from Ampora's direction.
- * south along river to new room...
- * south to the three Prospitians
-
> Examine
Is it... could it be???
IT IS! IT'S PROBLEM SLEUTH, ACE DICK, AND PICKLE INSPECTOR, IN THEIR ORIGINAL PROSPITIAN ATTIRE! YOU KNEW IT! YOU KNEW YOU WOULD FIND THEM EVENTUALLY! IT'S SO GREAT TO MEET ...
Wait.
This is not Problem Sleuth, Ace Dick, and Pickle Inspector. These are just some random Prospitians who are similarly proportioned.
#proportioned prospitians #........
You're beginning to think you'll never run into them.
- * back north, chest by the purple bridge
-
> Open
You got GAME GRUB MAGAZINE!
This publication is absolutely dripping with exclusive grub leaks. Actually it's a pretty disgusting magazine.
- * cross bridge, Mituna fails his grind, go visit him
-
> Talk to Mituna
MEENAH: hey bro
MEENAH: pretty nice stunt there
MEENAH: i offered a highfive but you sorta missed
#by about ten feet
MITUNA: W4HH FFFF 5H17H1H7 5H17
#FFFFFFFFFFFTHTFHTFTHFF
MEENAH: uh its cool g dont wig out
MEENAH: just take a rain check on it
MEENAH: more hand slaps where that came from you know?
MITUNA: N0 LE7H5 D00 7H1G5
MITUNA: GR0D
MITUNA: D344NM 17 1 F3L3L D0WN 4G41N
#LKGH;V451D4031NJDN01GP3
MEENAH: uh no seriously
MEENAH: forget the highfive i dont wanna be responsible for you hurtin yourself
MITUNA: G00 F1LL37 UR N00K
MEENAH: dude you are foul and unpleasant as ever
MEENAH: thought dyin might have took the edge off but guess not
MITUNA: K17H5 MY CH4GR1N 7UNK3L Y0U 5N4NK 4ZZ CHUM8UCK357
MEENAH: man why you got to hate
MEENAH: and listen bro you better watch it with those slurs
#or tag em at least
MEENAH: unless you want kankri giving you tha biz
MITUNA: 1M 50RRY
MEENAH: ill keep this quick
MEENAH: come right out and ask
MEENAH: you ever get god tier tunaboy
MITUNA: WH4H47
MITUNA: N0G3
MITUNA: M4Y83 1 M347
MITUNA: 1 D0N7 D0N7
#??/??/////5
MEENAH: okaaay
MEENAH: look take off your rad shirt deal and lemme see if you got wings
MITUNA: 3H3HH3H7H37H37H3 YY35
MITUNA: 7H0NGH7 Y0DU N3V3R 45K
MITUNA: 817HCH 4C4M3 4R0UN57 70 MY W1L135 MU7H4FUCK5!
#W1L135 #MUH #FUX
MITUNA: W417 H3LUP
#!!!!!!!!!!
MITUNA: H3LP H0W D01 74K3 0FF MY CL07H37H 4G41N?
#8(
MEENAH: yeah keep your shirt on you made that exchange beyond awful
M1TUN4: 1M 50RRY
MEENAH: you know of anyone else who might be god tier in secret
MITUNA: N08U7 1 CL0UD GR0G4N1Z3 4 8088L3 W1D3 57HR1P534RCH
MITUNA: 574R71NG W17H Y0U0 3H37H3H3737H3
#8008Y34H!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MEENAH: you are
MEENAH: the worst
> Ask Mituna to join
MEENAH: hey tuna you want to help me go kill haha i cant even finish this question while staying serious
MITUNA: N0 8U7H WH47 1 D0 W4NK
MITUNA: 17H 70 M4N741N7 PR3C4R10U5 8U7 M057HL3Y 5U5741N3D 84L4NC3 0N MY 71GH7 4ZZ F4LLD0WN 5L47
MITUNA: M4YF3 GR1N D0N 50M3 5H17
#5P0RN75
MEENAH: what will you grind on
MITUNA: 1 V0LUN733R
MITUNA: 7H47 7H1NG 70 83
MITUNA: U0YU0U
MEENAH: gross bro
MEENAH: dunno how latula even deals
MITUNA: 1M 50RRY
MITUNA: 8U73 4L50
MITUNA: FUCH Y0UR 4ND Y0UR FUCKY CHUMPHY 5UCKYFUCK FR0NGHUMPH1NG 8R1ND3 573M R1G7H UP3 Y0UR 5H17F7Y PH3L5M504K3D PR083CHU7H3 71L7 1Z 5UCK 4ZZ 8171CH 15 5UCKKY 5UCHY FUCK37Y 5UCKH0L3 FUCKY FCUK3Y FUCK FUCK FUCK
#!
MEENAH: holy mackerel
MEENAH: them was sick fires mostly
#at least the parts that were actual words
MEENAH: hey isnt the afterlife supposed to heal people or
MEENAH: i dont undersand
MEENAH: why is it that pyrope still cant smell
MEENAH: and you still got horrible brain problems
#dont tell me leijons still deaf
MEENAH: i give up on figuring out the existential mysteries
MITUNA: W4D3R
MEENAH: )(-EY FUCK YOU!!!
KANKRI: I feel I sh9uld jump in here at this m9ment, 6ef9re this escalates any further, and we start thr9wing ar9und hateful rhet9ric that we can't take 6ack.
MEENAH:
#aw shell no
KANKRI: Mituna, I kn9w y9u 9ften struggle with this, 6ut y9u just used an extremely der9gat9ry and hurtful caste-specific slur, which as y9u pr96a6ly kn9w was 9nce c9mm9nly used t9 disparage sea-dwelling mem6ers 9f 9ur s9ciety, 9r land-dwelling castes wh9 were especially c9mplicit in furthering the 9ppressive Fuscia-D9wn p9wer structure. N9w, we all need t9 realize that R9yal-Vs and th9se rare few wh9 are even higher such as Meenah, as mem6ers 9f the arist9cracy enj9y a tremend9us p9siti9n 9f privilege 9ver 9thers, and theref9re we cann9t view such ver6al transgressi9ns against them as equivalent t9 th9se targeting the underprivileged, 6ut it needs t9 6e p9inted 9ut that such radi9active language is a6s9lutely the w9rst kind 9f well-p9is9ning which is n9thing 6ut c9unterpr9ductive when 9thers are trying t9 pursue an h9nest dial9gue a69ut critically imp9rtant s9cial pr96lems.
#slurs #hurtful #struggle #radi9active #well p9is9ning #c9unterpr9ductive #pr96lems
MITUNA: .................,....
KANKRI: And Meenah, while I can understand y9ur frustrati9n 9ver 6eing ver6ally assaulted under any circumstance, it is incum6ent 9n me t9 remind y9u that Mituna requires a certain am9unt 9f special c9nsiderati9n and m9re than a little patience. Please try t9 resist taking his 6ait, which I'm guessing is m9stly well intended(?), 6ef9re its c9ntenti9us undert9w pulls y9u further int9 an exchange laden with deeply pr96lematic expressi9ns 9f a6leism, a6leist slurs, and 9ther such manifestati9ns 9f unc9nsci9na6ly unchecked a6ility privilege.
#a6leism #a6ility privilege #6ait #undert9w #are the aquatic terms helping?
MEENAH: vantas what the actual fuck are you doing here
MEENAH: how are you even in this chat yo
MEENAH: you arent even remotely in the same corporeal vicinity as us like i literally do not understand how you just jumped into the conversation like that
MEENAH: can you maybe get lost?
#make like a clam and scray
KANKRI: 9n the 9ther hand, if I'm 6eing h9nest, I've f9und Mituna's entire existence t9 6e a pretty pr96lematic impediment t9 the advancement and 9verall awareness 9f a6leism and its painful manif9ld c9nsequences f9r una6ilitied pers9ns. The speech impediment, frankly, I c9uld d9 with9ut, and I'm 6y n9 means ecstatic 9ver his t9rrential 6ig9try and h9stility. 9n the 9ne hand, I want t9 6e sensitive t9 him as a pers9n and as a friend, 6ut 9n the 9ther, what kind 9f message d9es his 6ehavi9r send? And frankly, I'm n9t crazy a69ut the helmet, either.
MITUNA: W4LT5 WR00NG W17H MY H4ML37 8(
KANKRI: N9thing, friend, it's a really c99l helmet and it's a g99d l99k f9r y9u. 6ut are we n9w t9 assume that all th9se wh9 are stricken with y9ur particular disadvantage9n will 6e similarly pr9ne t9 require such headgear, due t9 falling d9wn and hitting their heads frequently?
MITUNA: 8U7H 1 D0 F4LL D0WN 4ND H157 MY H34D FR3QUN3UN74NY
KANKRI: 9h, I kn9w y9u d9, and I think y9u sh9uld c9ntinue wearing it f9r y9ur safety, particularly if y9u c9ntinue t9 insist 9n fl9undering a69ut 9n y9ur danger9us t9y. It's m9re a69ut the unf9rtunate message y9u are sending 9verall, with certain aspects 9f y9ur pers9nality and existence, that's all.
MITUNA: 1M 50RRY
KANKRI: As a friend, I w9uldn't want t9 change anything a69ut y9u, well, n9t m9st things. I just think y9u may n9t 6e d9ing y9urself 9r th9se wh9 are similarly disadvantaged any fav9rs with, what I'm h9ping, is a perfectly inn9cent array 9f traits and mannerisms. 8ut again, I say this with all due sensitivity.
MEENAH: vantas youre being a shit dont talk about him like that
KANKRI: Anyway, I didn't mean t9 derail. I'll 6e 9n my way. Please c9ntinue y9ur discussi9n, and try t9 keep s9me 9f the issues I descri6ed at length in mind.
MEENAH: i hate all of my friends so fucking much
> Be Mituna
♫ Alright bros, are you ready? It's time for the one, the only, Game Bro!
♫ He's comin' to your screen, straight from the magazine,
♫ the mix-meister of master swords and mushrooms,
♫ Are you sure you're ready for this?
♫ Well come on, get ready, get set, and here we go!
♫ The Game Bro's here and he's got the games,
♫ all you other lame-brainers better feel the shame!
♫ He can bend the rules, he's too cool for school,
♫ and he's got just a few cheat codes for you.
♫ There ain't nothin' that'll ever hold this bad boy down!
♫ That hat that he's wearin's like his personal crown.
♫ He's got every game beat, his skills are that sweet,
♫ but if you want in his crew, you gotta be elite!
♫ You gotta be on the spot, on the dot, we're just sayin'
♫ You gotta be ready to go, if you're too slow, thanks for playin'
♫ You gotta know where it's at, who's at bat, and if you don't, then
♫ well then you know just who to call!
♫ It's Game Bro!
♫ When you're outta quarters, he's got your back!
♫ He'd never ever betray you man, and that's a fact!
♫ Yo he's your best friend, and never a foe,
♫ so let's fuckin go!
♫ Uh uh
♫ Do it, do it!
♫ Uh uh uh
♫ Do it, do it!
♫ Uh uh
♫ Do it, do it!
♫ Uh uh uh uh uh uh
♫ Alright!
♫ The games will never stop, the games will never stop!
♫ Think flash!
♫ The games will never stop, the games will never stop!
♫ The game will stop!
> Talk to Meenah
MEENAH: dogg before you even start with your junk i just wanna point out i can barely understand a word you say
MITUNA: 1M 50RRY
MEENAH: like between your codawful quirk
MEENAH: and your variety of weird conflicting speech impediments
MEENAH: and the fact that even aside from all the shitty numbers you stick in words youre still misspellin half a what you say
MEENAH: i just gtfu
#give STRAIT the fuck up yo #uncle motherglubber
MITUNA: 817H1CH WH4Y D0N7 Y0U 5H00V3 M0Y R4D 1NJURJY P4N3L 1N7H0 URR N457H7Y 53XXXU4L3 PR1V457 P4R7H 0RF P3R3RF3R3R4NC3
MEENAH: thank fuck you were never a major playa at least from my personal vantage over the course a this ridicu huge narrative
#way minor character yo
MEENAH: probably woulda offed my shellf even schooner if i had to hear you talk much
#really too bad since you got the bestest fishiest name of anyone #38(
MITUNA: ..,.,..,,...,..,.,.
MITUNA: 50RRY
- * visit bicyclops lusus
-
> Examine
This custodian really has his hands full, taking care of that guy. You kind of feel for the hideous monster.
#biclops dad
Or at least that's your observation if you're being Meenah right now. If you're being Mituna, you beg your enormous parental unit for some mind honey. The huge beast grunts dismissively and bops you on the helmet. You fall on your ass and throw a tantrum.
#but what if im cronus? #lets not worry about that ok
- * try going north
-
Where do you think YOU'RE going! This is Meenah's interactive quest through the afterlife. You can only leave this area if you're being her!
#nice try
- * chest in corner
-
> Open
You got a CLUB KEY!
- * south, west back across bridge and along to the puzzle door
-
> Use club key
- * south, and walk west into the bushes below the steps - there's a hidden chest
-
> Open
Can't open it! Maybe if you try with someone else...
- * go visit Cronus
-
> Talk to Cronus
CRONUS: hey, chief. looking good today. is that a newv helmet?
MITUNA: N0 U FUCFK7H7H7HHH
#1GLVNWLDN01Z1XJ01N0V4
CRONUS: easy there, it vwas a joke. of course its not a newv helmet. vwhat, do you think im retar... um, short on common sense?
MITUNA: N0
CRONUS: did you see meenah go by?
MITUNA: N0
CRONUS: she vwent that vway, didnt she?
MITUNA: N0
CRONUS: are you sure?
MITUNA: N0
CRONUS: listen mate, i dont mean to call you a liar, but i sawv her vwalk up to you.
#liar
MITUNA: N0
#N0
CRONUS: i vwas spying on both of you from behind the hivwe ovwer there. i sawv you do a seriously groovwy face plant off the railing.
MITUNA: N0 N0 N0 N0 N0 N0 N0 N0 N0 N0 N0 N0 N0 N0
#N0 #N0 #N0 #N0 #N0 #N0 #N0 #N0 #N0 #N0 #N0
CRONUS: hahaha. youre really priceless, captor. havwe i evwer told you vwhat a cool cat i think you are?
MITUNA: WHY 4R3 Y0U 70UCH1N9 M3?
CRONUS: i really feel like youre one of the only people i can open up to about my feelings. i guess it really does help to confide in someone vwho basically lacks the ability to repeat vwhat you say vwith any clarity or coherence, or evwen understand vwhat you said in the first place.
MITUNA: Y0UR3 571LL 70UCH1NG M3 4ND 1 D0N7 UND3R574ND WHY 7H15 15 H4PP3PP1NG
CRONUS: but truth be told, i alvways felt that vway about you before you evwen started havwing, vwell, your issues. vwe alvways had a good thing together, didnt vwe?
MITUNA: 1 D0N7 W4N7 Y0UR H4ND 7H3R3
CRONUS: dont get me vwrong, i knowv you and latula are in a vwery committed matespritship, though lets face facts, she could obvwiously do better. and i mean much better. really she is just in a totally different league, she is charming and gorgeous, vwhereas you are, vwell... you, unfortunately. and i vwouldnt dare to intrude on your longstanding moirallegiance vwith kurloz, and not because he scares the shit out of me either. that just really seems to vwork, you and him, doesnt it? i dont get a peep out of him of course, not evwen if im super nice and compliment his hideous hair, and obvwiously i receivwe nothing but disgusting horseshit out of your mouth evwery time you open it. but you seem to bring good qualities out of each other, no? is it true, the rumor that you are actually lucid vwhen you talk to him, instead of behavwing like a babbling, vwertigo stricken imbecile?
MITUNA: WHY W0N7 7H3 W31RD 70UCH1NG 570P
#8(
CRONUS: but vwhat im trying to say is, you dont judge like the others. vwell, ok, you do, but i cant really take your vwitriol that seriously because you are so obvwiously retar... reticent vwith your true emotions. like for instance, vwho could i confide in vwhen i began to fully come to terms vwith this feeling deep inside that i vwas actually a human "born" in the body of a troll, but nevwer realized it until learning about the humans? nobody. except you, of course. you dont care that i am humankin. you dont mock me for it and trivwialize my tragic existence. vwell, you do, but the point im trying to make is that vwhen you mock me it doesnt actually mean anything, because evwerything you say is such putrid nonsense.
#friendship
MITUNA: 1 W4N7 7H47 Y0UR H4ND 70 N07 83 0N MY 80DY PL3453
CRONUS: vwhat? no, come on guy. im just givwing you a friendly little shoulder massage, vwith one hand, like this. see? in a vway that seems vwery casual, like "bros" do. please dont make this more awvkvward than it needs to be.
MITUNA: 1M 50RRY
CRONUS: i forgivwe you.
CRONUS: nowv hold that thought. im going to see if i can go catch up vwith meenah. dont followv me, because obvwiously youre going to cramp my style. hovw does my hair look? nevwer mind, you dont knowv vwhat youre talking about, ill just use your reflectivwe vwisor to check myself out. yes, looking great.
#coolscar
MITUNA: C4N 1 C0M3 W17H Y0U
CRONUS: jeepers, youre a thick headed fella. i just told you to stay put. im going to try out some especially bold movwes on peixes ovwer there, really put out the vwibe, you dig? i dont think i need to remind you that your presence vwill be like spraying the area vwith libidocide.
MITUNA: WH47
CRONUS: uh, beforus to captor. hello, this is mission control, is anything getting through that helmet? i am saying that your presence is sexual poison, and if you are drooling nearby vwhile i chat her up, she vwill become distracted and havwe trouble picturing me naked. as a vwing man, i must say, you are a true fucking disgrace.
#true #fucking #disgrace
MITUNA: 1M 50RRY
#8(
CRONUS: please stop apologizing so much, its really unattractivwe. at this point evwen IM not sure if i vwant to sleep vwith you.
CRONUS: nowv before i go, i just need to think of a good vway to break the ice. oh, ivwe got it! ill open vwith some jokes about howv hilarious it vwas vwhen you fell on your face ovwer there, and vwhat absolutely incredible fuckup you are on evwery levwel.
CRONUS: thank you for the inspiration, friend.
Be Cronus?
> Yes
> Talk to Mituna
CRONUS: oh, i almost forgot. ivwe been vworking on a song i think you might...
MITUNA: Y0UR MU51C 15 5H17 4ND 1 FUCK1NG H473 Y0U
CRONUS: vwowv, hahaha. fair enough.
CRONUS: really, thats totally fair. hurtful beyond my ability to capture vwith language, but fair.
CRONUS: but seriously, stay here. im going to go vwork my "magic" on peixes. not literally of course, because as i learned through a series of crushing revwelations during my adolescence, magic isnt real.
#just so OVWER the vwizarding scene
CRONUS: vwait here, try not to fall dowvn, and ABOVWE ALL, try not to be seen.
MITUNA: 4LR1GH7H
- * as before, go west into bushes under the steps
-
> Open
HUSSIE: Hey Eridan! Or whatever your name is! I'll go on a date with you!!!
CRONUS: you vwill?
HUSSIE: Absolutely. I find you attractive, and your personality is basically tolerable to me.
CRONUS: um... alright, sure. guess beggars cant be choosers.
- * lead Hussie to the seahorse lusus
-
> Examine
HUSSIE: Sorry bro, I was only using you to get close to your beautiful floating seahorse!
HUSSIE: Giddyup, seahorse dad. Up, up, and away!
#NYEIGH
CRONUS: this is literally the vworst case scenario for my feelings.
- * go east over the bridge
-
Wait... where'd she go? Dang it. Looks like she ditched you again.
#story of your life #this is probably CAPTAIN HELMET'S fault #you should go grill him
- * back west to where you left Mituna
-
> Grill Mituna
CRONUS: HEY! i thought i told you to stay put.
MITUNA: W7HF7F?
CRONUS: i told you to stay here in exactly this spot.
MITUNA: 1 D1
#D
CRONUS: vwell, she vwas gone. SOMEONE must havwe frightened her avway.
CRONUS: you must havwe spaced out and vwandered into vwiewv briefly. she probably got one look at you and couldnt split fast enough.
MITUNA: N0 1 S7H4Y3D H3R3 L1K3 Y0U 7H41D
CRONUS: vwonderful. this is just exactly vwhat i needed, vwhat vwith all my frayed emotions lately. thanks a lot, "buddy."
MITUNA: 1M 50RRY
CRONUS: no youre not. youre lying.
CRONUS: your vwhole bifurcated demeanor is such an act. half the time you are noxious and incomprehensible, and the other half you are mild and contrite? sure, "PAL."
CRONUS: as if im not SO on to you. you only pretend to say youre sorry to get girls to like you more. sure seems like pyropes a sucker for the ruse. like im not familiar vwith THOSE tactics. vwho do you think vwrote the book on that??
MITUNA: 1 D0N7 NK0W W0W WR073 7H3 800K
CRONUS: be quiet. i really dislike the sound of you.
CRONUS: do you realize because of you, it may be EPOCHS before i get another shot vwith her? you just had to crawvl out of the bushes and shit your space suit in plain sight.
MITUNA: 1M 50RRY
CRONUS: i said shut up. do you havwe any idea vwhat a man of my class vwould do if a mustard blood like you spoke to me this vway on alternia? honestly, sometimes i think i vwas hatched in the vwrong univwerse, let ALONE the vwrong body.
CRONUS: i am so sick of havwing to pretend to treat you vwith the dignity you vwouldnt deservwe evwen if you COULD count the scars on my forehead. you couldnt tell me the ansvwer if i asked vwhat your favworite number vwas.
MITUNA: 7W0!!11!!!!111!!!!!1111111
CRONUS: dont interrupt. youre a horrible friend and a horrible person.
* MITUNA: (sad Mituna)
CRONUS: latula is only vwith you out of pity. she doesnt havwe real feelings for you. no one could.
* MITUNA: (sad Mituna)
CRONUS: you are a brain damaged reject on a team full of rejects. a rejects reject. i vwould havwe culled you myself if that vword meant vwhat it should havwe on our planet.
MEENAH: A)(-EM
CRONUS: vwhoah uh
CRONUS: meenah!
CRONUS: vwowv... hmm.
CRONUS: VWOWV
CRONUS: howv long uh...
CRONUS: vwere you standing there?
MEENAH: douche
> Talk to Mituna
CRONUS: vwelp.
CRONUS: i fucked up vwith her, probably beyond repair this time.
MITUNA: 4H4H4H4HH44H4H
#L4UGUH #L4GUHG #LUGH4HGH #4LU4GH #LU4HGGUH4
CRONUS: guess ill attempt ghost suicide YET AGAIN.
CRONUS: of course by vwhich i mean, tell people i did, to vwin sympathy points.
MITUNA: D0357H H47 W0RK
CRONUS: not really.
MITUNA: WHY D0NK Y0U 7RY 17
CRONUS: vwhat... vwith you?
MITUNA: Y37H
CRONUS: vwell, this is clearly absurd, but nyeh, vwhat the heck.
CRONUS: mituna, i just cant take it anymore. i think my ghost is going to kill itself.
MITUNA: WH0W4H L375 FUCK!!!!!
CRONUS: vwait...
CRONUS: really?
MITUNA: N0 0Y0 P135H3 0FF 1ND107 FUGG1NG G4R484G3
#FUCKY0UFUCKY0UFUCKY0UFUCKY0UFUCKY0U
CRONUS: oh.
> Talk to Meenah
MEENAH: yo that was some scuzzy repartee there even for you crodog
CRONUS: the last thing my feelings need is your harsh judgment. i just cant handle that, on top of evwerything else youvwe done to me.
MEENAH: what the fuck else i done to you??
CRONUS: you ignored me.
MEENAH: ugh
CRONUS: this is serious. please dont dismiss my emotions like that.
CRONUS: look, i havwe an especially tortured and confused sole. i reelly cant afjord anemone more greef from you.
#eh? #ehhhh?
MEENAH: i cannot
MEENAH: B-ELI-EV-E
MEENAH: you are doing my fish pun thing while youre still tryin to hit on me
CRONUS: nyeh. vworth a shot.
MEENAH: dont ever say a fish thing again or ill gut you
CRONUS: you knowv, youre being a bit hypocritical here, dont you think?
MEENAH: what
CRONUS: taking me to task for ripping captor a sorely deservwed newv nook.
CRONUS: like you arent evwen more guilty of abusing the poor fella.
MEENAH: youre such a glubbin liar
CRONUS: oh am i?
CRONUS: tell me, pray tell, vwho vwas it exactly, in vwhich alternate univwerse, that used growvnup captor as a livwing vwarp drivwe in her spaceship for millenia?
#helmsman
MEENAH: hey that wasnt me
MEENAH: i mean
MEENAH: not yet... uh
MEENAH: alternate ways
#38|
CRONUS: oh sure. no grub sauce on your hands!
MEENAH: wow you did it
MEENAH: ampora you totally changed my mind about you lets start makin out immediately
#not
CRONUS: just admit it. you havwe it vwithin you to be just as harsh to our behelmeted buddy as i am, if not more.
#helmchan
MEENAH: man
MEENAH: a girls gotta have fuel for her pimp ride know what im sayin
MEENAH: like
MEENAH: i probably took care of him good
MEENAH: you know how it is someones gotta take care of the guy anyways
MEENAH: and... yeah
#38(
CRONUS: oh, howv the rationalizations begin to flowv vwhen it suits your ovwerinflated ego. so vwery typical of the kind of people vwho reject me.
#i.e. literally evweryone
MEENAH: at least i dont think im an alien
CRONUS: vwhat? vwhat are you talking about?
MEENAH: look at you all frontin in that stupid getup
MEENAH: with your slicked hair and that dumb little wand in your mouth
CRONUS: excuse me. its not a vwand. you knovw perfectly vwell my vwizarding days are behind me. its called a "human cigarette" and apparently youre supposed to set it on fire.
CRONUS: although if you ask me, burning it seems like a vwaste of a perfectly good and cool "cigarette."
MEENAH: i heard a rumor you think youre a human now
MEENAH: that true
CRONUS: its a privwate matter. i dont see vwhy i should havwe to talk about it vwith you, and open myself up to more of your judgmental scorn.
MEENAH: sounds like another desperate cry for attention imo
KANKRI: I feel I sh9uld jump in here at this m9ment, Meenah, 6ef9re y9u inadvertently shame Cr9nus f9r his extremely delicate feelings 9f species dysph9ria.
CRONUS: no, kankri... man, you dont need to jump in here and defend me like this. i got it.
MEENAH: aaaand im gone
MEENAH: you bros can figure out your boring feelings without me
CRONUS: meenah vwait... awv man. just like that, shes out of my life again. you had to go and fuck it up for me, didnt you? some "friends" i havwe.
KANKRI: Listen, I was d9ing y9u a fav9r. Y9u d9n't need t9 6e dating any9ne wh9 can't appreciate y9u f9r wh9 y9u really are, 9r m9re imp9rtantly, which fantasy versi9n 9f y9urself y9u m9st str9ngly identify with.
CRONUS: yeah, youre probably right. she doesnt appreciate me. so fevw of you cats do, really.
#evwen the ones vwho literally identify as cats
CRONUS: to be honest, she might be right. sometimes i think i might only be saying im a human to get attention. maybe i should givwe it up.
KANKRI: I'd 6e extremely disapp9inted t9 hear that, if it were true. That w9uld 6e such a slap in the face t9 all th9se wh9 kn9w themselves t9 6e an alien while trapped in the pedestrian 69dy 9f their 9wn race. It w9uld 6e unspeaka6ly invalidating 9f their struggles and massively triggering t9 their em9ti9ns.
#TW #invalidated struggles #triggered em9ti9ns
KANKRI: 6ut f9rtunately, I kn9w y9u w9uld never st99p as l9w as that. Y9u understanda6ly have d9u6ts a69ut y9ur feelings and pr96a6ly d9wnplay them as a defense mechanism, since s9 few are prepared t9 rec9gnize the legitimacy 9f y9ur plight. 6ut I am, and I just wanted y9u t9 kn9w that I'm here f9r y9u, and am prepared t9 lecture t9 y9u extensively, I mean, listen t9 y9u extensively, a69ut y9ur ultra-imp9rtant pr96lem.
CRONUS: vwowv. thanks, pal.
CRONUS: youre right. my feelings really are real. not fake, like the huge disappointing fraud that magic turned out to be.
CRONUS: i guess the truth is, deep dowvn i alvways knewv i vwas a 1950s-style human greaser.
CRONUS: i just needed to finally be introduced to human culture to make sense of those feelings.
KANKRI: W9nderful. I'm s9 happy y9u have f9und the light 9f truth within y9urself. N9w j9in me in tagging 9ur discussi9n with righte9us warnings, as we c9nsecrate y9ur disadvantage in the h9ly annals 9f Pr96lematics.
> Be Mituna
> Talk to Cronos
MITUNA: H3Y 8R0 W4N7H0 H3R3 S0M3 57HL4M P037RY 1 M4D3
MITUNA: H3 JU57 8R0K3 MY 5K4T3 804RD 1N H4LF 4ND W4LK3D 4W4Y
> Be Meenah
- * go back east across the bridge and north to a new room...
- * chest to your south east
-
> Open
You got a TAROT DECK!
Any aspiring seer would be crazy not to keep one of these on hand. Maybe you'll try selling it to Kankri later, or that talkative broad in the orange nightgown.
#highly desirable merchandise
- * north to second lilypad, dream bubble
-
> Examine
This does not contain your memory. Only Meulin can access this bubble.
- * north to Kurloz lilypad
-
> Talk to Kurloz
MEENAH: yo freak remember me
KURLOZ:
#:o)
MEENAH: so
MEENAH: so what kinda conversation could we even have that wouldnt be weird and awkward
KURLOZ:
#:o)
MEENAH: i sea
MEENAH: got anyfin for me other than an eerie glare and a gross stiched up smile
KURLOZ:
#:o)
MEENAH: whats the wicked word these days
KURLOZ:
#:o)
MEENAH: shit be cold home skillet
> Ask Kurloz to join
MEENAH: so i guess i want you to join my army
MEENAH: maybe
MEENAH: if you promise you aint gonna be too capricious or clown ass batshit or whatever
KURLOZ:
#:o)
MEENAH: well least your honest about it
MEENAH: got any crazy chucklevoodoo tips on how to kill a cherub?
KURLOZ:
#:o)
MEENAH: so
MEENAH: nothing to say as usual then
KURLOZ:
#:o)
MEENAH: its awesome we had this talk
> Be Kurloz
You wouldn't even know how to BEGIN being this oddball. Best to just leave him alone.
- * chest on lilypad to west
-
> Open
You got a JUJU!
A VOODOO DOLL to be exact. You wonder what happens if you pull one of these pins...
Nah, better leave them be. Got a bad feeling about this thing. Really bad, uh... what's the word you're looking for. Bad...
Mojo?
#whatever you say
- * chest on Kurloz lilypad
-
> Open
You got a SPADE KEY!
- * another chest two lilypads north
-
> Open
You got a JUJU!
Looks to be a CHESS SET, to be specific. It's quite lovely. But...
A bunch of the pieces are missing. :(
- * north to cat lusus
-
EXAMINE:
mrrrrr...
#cat mom
- * three chests on north edge of lilypad
-
> Open
You got an OLIVE POTION!
This is supposed to be a love potion. Just one sip and AUGH, IT'S JUST MORE NASTY TROLL BLOOD. What the hell is going on here? Who is even bottling this stuff?
Oh well, you'll hang on to it anyway. Maybe you'll be able to con some lovestruck sucker out of a whole mess of boonies for this slop.
#hustlin
: (OTOH, if you're not Meenah right now you just chuck it off the lily pad.)
> Open
You got a TEA POT!
mmmm
chameowmile
#:3
> Open
You got a pair of ACTION CLAWS!
Whoa, easy there... you could accidentally grab one of them firmly, and then drag it across your face diagonally if you're not careful.
- * north west to last lilypad, try the bubble
-
> Examine
This does not contain your memory. Only Kurloz can access this bubble.
- * chest
-
> Open
You got a HEART KEY!
- * visit Meulin
-
> Talk to Meulin
MEENAH: sup meu
MEULIN: (=｀ω´=) < 33333333333!!!!!!!!!
MEULIN: (^・ω・^ ) < GOMGOMGOGOMGOGMMGOMGOMGOGMOGMOGMOG. MOG!!!
#EM #OH #G33
MEENAH: whoa leijon
MEENAH: your rumble spheres
MEENAH: clam those suckas this instant
MEULIN: (^・x・^) < NO.
MEULIN: (=^･^=) < I WILL NOT CLAM THEM.
MEULIN: ヽ(=^･ω･^=)丿 < THEY WILL STAY WILDLY AND GL33FURRY UNCLAMMED, BECAUSE, AND I REPEAT:
MEULIN: (^･o･^)ﾉ < MOG.
MEENAH: mog
MEULIN: (=^･^=) < MOG, M33NAH.
MEULIN: ~(=^‥^)ノ < _MOG_!!!!!!!!!
#:33
MEENAH: idgi
MEULIN: (^._.^)ﾉ < M33NAH. MOG COULD NOT BE ANY SIMPLER.
#UNLESS SPELLED CORRECTLY
MEENAH: dude fuck mog
MEENAH: oh wait you mean omg
MEULIN: (=^･ω･^=) < (=^-ω-^=)
MEENAH: well fuck that too
MEENAH: i know you cant physically monitor the volume of your piercing fangirly shrieks but try to keep it down
MEENAH: like just be normal excited for once
MEULIN: (^._.^)
MEENAH: or
MEENAH: should i say
MEENAH: "fur pounce"
#3;)
MEULIN: (=^ω^=) < 333333333333333333333333333333333!!!!!!!!!
#SO MANY 33'S
MEULIN: (^･o･^) < M33NAH I MISSED YOU SOOOOOOO MUUUUUUUUCH! WHY DIDN'T WE EVER HANG OUT WHEN WE WERE ALIVE???
MEULIN: (=^‥^=) < I HAD SO MUCH TIME TO PAWNDER THAT AND IT'S ONE OF MY D33PEST REGRETS.
MEENAH: it was probably cause you didnt like me very much
MEENAH: but s'chool no one really did
MEULIN: (=^･ｪ･^=) < WHAAAT. THAT'S NOT TRUE! I'M SURE I LIKED YOU! DIDN'T I?
#YOU WERE INVOLVED IN SOME OF MY FINEST SHIPS!
MEENAH: i mean i did try to kill you a couple times
MEULIN: (^・x・^) < YOU DID? I DON'T REMEMBER THAT...
MEENAH: water under the crossing trestle
MEULIN: (^･o･^) < YES!!!
MEULIN: (^._.^)ﾉ < BUT, UM, IF YOU TRIED TO KILL ME, SHOULDN'T I BE THE ONE TO SAY THAT TO YOU?
MEENAH: ...
MEENAH: lejayjay how about you shut up and go back to being excited to see me
#feel free to unclam those tatas
MEULIN: (=ＴェＴ=) < 3333333333333333333333333333333333333333333!!!!!!!!!
* MEULIN: mime (Marceline of Adventure Time holding her head and swaying happily) (TODO: what is she signing?)
* MEULIN: mime (Stephen Colbert dancing) (TODO: what is she signing?)
* MEULIN: mime (Usagi Tsukino and Minako Aino of Sailor Moon with hearts for eyes) (TODO: what is she signing?)
MEENAH: can we plz cool it on the shitty mimes tho
MEENAH: seriously cant understand what your tryin to say half the time
#the literal worst form of communication ever
MEULIN: (=^･ω･^=) < WE HAVE TO CATCH UP RIGHT AWAY. YOU MISSED OUT ON SO MUCH WHILE YOU WERE GONE!
#"CATCH" #!!! #LIKE A FISH! #S33 I'M YOUR FRIEND!!!
MEENAH: did i really
MEENAH: to be conchnest that sounds mad unlikely
MEENAH: you would not even believe the boring conversations i just slogged through with some a you glubbin windbaggers
#even ones where i technically wasnt even "being me"
MEULIN: (=^･^=) < YOU SOOO DID THOUGH. WE'VE ALL B33N THROUGH A LOT TOGETHER SINCE WE DIED. I BELIEVE WE'VE MADE A LOT OF PROGRESS IN DEALING WITH OUR PURRSONAL ISSUES AND PUTTING OUR OLD DIFURRENCES BEHIND US.
#ETERNITY HAS ONLY STRENGTHENED MY COMMITMENT TO CAT PUNS!!! #:33
MEENAH: dont sound like you put much time into your fightin skills though
MEENAH: yall do realize you might be on the verge of dying AGAIN right?
MEULIN: (=^･ｪ･^=) < AND THE SHIPPING!!!!!!!!!
MEULIN: ＼(=^‥^)/ < OMG M33NAH, THE SHIIIIIIIIIPPING! (=；ェ；=) ヾ(=ﾟ･ﾟ=)ﾉ (^・ω・^ )
MEULIN: (^・ω・^ ) < YOU WON'T EVEN _BELIEVE_ WHO GOT TOGETHER OVER THE SW33PS. AND THE QUADRANTS! THE QUADRANTS THEY PAIRED UP IN... IT WILL _BLOW_. _YOUR_. _MIND_.
MEULIN: (=^･^=) < I DON'T THINK I CAN EVEN CONVEY HOW MUCH... I JUST...
#DON'T #I...
MEULIN: (^・x・^) < I CAN'T.
#NO #THAT'S IT
MEULIN: └(=^‥^=)┐ < I AM COMPLETELY UNABLE TO CAN RIGHT NOW.
#HAVE EXACTLY ZERO CANS
MEENAH: 38|
MEULIN: (=；ェ；=) < YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, M33NAH. THE F33LS.
MEULIN: (=ＴωＴ=) < THE F333333333LS!!!!!!!!!
#MIMES INCOMING!!!
* MEULIN: mime (Boxes superimposed with "FEELS" falling on a man) (TODO: what is she signing?)
* MEULIN: mime (Ellen holding a hand over her eyes) (TODO: what is she signing?)
* MEULIN: mime (Cole Phelps from L.A. Noire falling backwards down some stairs with "#FEELINGS" superimposed above) (TODO: what is she signing?)
MEENAH: had a suspicion this chat would devolve into gossip about who banged who
MEENAH: let me know if you wanna catch up on actual relevant shit some time
#heres ma math #yall got shell phones here right
MEENAH: holla at ya girl meumix
> Ask Meulin to join
MEENAH: so tell me
MEENAH: what exactlys the bullshit reason you cant join me to go fight lord bad guy
MEULIN: (^._.^) < YOU WANT ME TO GO FIGHT _THAT GUY_ WITH YOU???
MEULIN: (^･o･^) < OH BUT I DO NOT THINK THAT WILL BE FLEASIBLE...
MEENAH: noooooo shit
MEULIN: (=^‥^=) < I DON'T WANT TO COMPLETELY WASH MY PAWS OF THE IDEA, BUT I JUST HAVE SO MANY BALLS OF YARN IN THE AIR RIGHT NOW.
MEULIN: ＼(=^‥^)/ < SO MANY POTENTIAL SHIPS TO JUGGLE. A BUSY HYPOTHETICAL MATCHMAKER'S JOB IS NEVER DONE!
MEENAH: that isnt anything even close to resemblin a real responsibility
MEULIN: (=^･ｪ･^=) < I DON'T WANT YOU TO THINK I DON'T GIVE A LICK ABOUT JOINING YOUR FIGHT, BUT I JUST DON'T THINK I WILL BE VERY USEFUL!
MEULIN: ~(=^‥^)ノ < BY THE WAY, "LICK" WAS A SUBTLE CAT PUN.
MEENAH: dunno it doesnt sound like you give much a carp about anyfin that isnt shipping or sayin cat things
MEENAH: btw "sound" was a subtle pun pertainin to oceanic geography
#also #'carp' is a fish #and 'anyfin' is just a thing i say all the time duh
MEULIN: (^・ω・^ ) < COME OOOOOOOOON M33NAH, DON'T YOU WANT TO RELAX JUST A NIP BEFORE YOU GO RIGHT OFF TO ROUGHHIVE SOME MORE?
MEULIN: (^･o･^) < I HEARD YOU HAVE TAKEN A K33N INTEREST IN KANKRI'S ANCESTOR.
MEENAH: sunnuva fish
MEULIN: ヽ(^‥^=ゞ) < WELL, M33NAH? IS THAT TRUE?
#HMMM?????????
MEENAH: even if it was true
MEENAH: which it is the very definition of AINT
MEENAH: how the shit could you have even heard something like that already
#not literally heard #w ur ears #yaknowatimean
MEULIN: (=^ω^=) < H3333333! IT'S TRUE, I JUST KNOW IT!!!!!!!!!
MEULIN: (=ｘェｘ=) < _DIES_
#*IS DEAD*
MEENAH: yes please do that
MEULIN: ヾ(=ﾟ･ﾟ=)ﾉ < DO YOU WANT ME TO SET YOU UP WITH HIM? BEFORE YOU SAY NO, I URGE YOU NOT TO UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF MY ROMANTIC SORCERIES.
MEULIN: (^･o･^)ﾉ < YOU HAVE B33N OUT OF THE LOOP FOR A LONG TIME, SO YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT KIND OF MIRACLES HAVE B33N WROUGHT BY THE MAGE OF HEART!
MEULIN: (=^-ω-^=) < NOW, BEFORE I WORK MY MAGIC, WE SHOULD GET ONE THING CLEAR. IS YOUR YEARNING RED OR BLACK?
MEULIN: (=ＴωＴ=) < I AM ONLY ASKING TO BE ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN, BUT METHINKS THERE IS BARELY ANY DOUBT ABOUT IT. SOMMMEONE IS WAXING SCARLET FOR A LOUD, YOUNGER KANKRI, HMMMMMMMMM?
MEENAH: leijon
MEENAH: are you readin my lips
MEENAH: pretend you can hear me and that im saying this so loud your kittycat ears hurt
MEENAH: shhhut thhhe fuuuuck uuup
MEULIN: (^･ω･^)
MEENAH: dont set me up with anemonebouy kay
#anemonebouy #<<how fishpuns be DONE #bouyeah
MEENAH: just keep it in your friendfics
MEENAH: write about us doin it or whatever just S)(UT UP
MEULIN: (^･o･^) < OHHH. G333. EMMM.
MEULIN: (=^･^=) < I HAVE THE _BEST_ IDEA FOR A FIC LIKE THAT.
MEULIN: ~(=^‥^)ノ < BUT DON'T WORRY, MY POLICKSY WITH SUCH LICENTIOUS MATERIAL IS THE SAME AS IT'S ALWAYS B33N. I WILL NOT SHOW A SOUL UNTIL I HAVE SHOWN IT TO YOU AND THE YOUNGER VANTAS, AND YOU BOTH APPURRVE. I PROMISE!!!
MEENAH: yay another worthless conversation under ma belt!
#belt w a bedazzled fuchsia strap and a solid gold buckle
MEENAH: TIM-E TO BOUNC-E
> Be Meulin
> Talk to Meenah
MEENAH: what
MEULIN: (=^･ω･^) < OH!!!!!!!!! I MEANT TO ASK...
MEULIN: ヽ(=^･ω･^=)丿 < HAVE YOU MET THE HUMANS YET?
MEENAH: yeah
MEULIN: (=^-ω-^=) < OMG AREN'T THE JUST SO PERF???
MEENAH: nah
MEENAH: dont see what the big deal with em is
MEULIN: (^・x・^) < M33NAH, NO.
MEULIN: (^-人-^) < THEY ARE ALL SO PERFECTLY ADORABLE.
MEULIN: (^・ω・^ ) < EACH IS LITTERALLY MORE PRECIOUS AND PURRFECT THAN THE LAST.
MEENAH: if only you could hear how bonkers you sound
MEULIN: ~(=^‥^)/ < M33NAH. M33NAH. NO.
#M33NAH.
MEULIN: (^._.^)ﾉ < YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.
MEULIN: ヾ(=ﾟ･ﾟ=)ﾉ < THEY ARE MY BABIES.
MEENAH: wtfs a babie
MEULIN: (=^･^=) < THEY ARE MY PERFECT PRECIOUS GAY LITTLE BABIES!!!!!!!!!
MEENAH: uh
MEENAH: whats gay
MEULIN: (=^ω^=) < IT'S A THING THAT HUMAN BABIES ARE SOMETIMES I THINK!
MEENAH: cant even deal w this meu
#failing to can #when it comes to dealin w it
MEULIN: (^･o･^) < OH AND DO YOU EVEN HAVE THE SLIGHTEST IDEA WHAT THE SHIPPING IMPLICATPUNS ARE???
MEULIN: ヽ(=^･ω･^=)丿 < BY ADDING THE HUMANS INTO THE PICTURE, BOTH PRE-SCRATCH AND SCRATCH-POST, IT HAS INCREASED THE PAIRING PAWSIBILITIES EXPOUNCENENTIALLY!
MEULIN: (^-人-^) < IT'S REALLY B33N OVERWHELMING, I CAN'T EVEN...
MEULIN: (^・x・^) < I JUST
#NO
MEULIN: (=ﾟ･ﾟ=) < THAT'S IT.
#I CAN'T
MEULIN: (=ＴェＴ=) < I'M SO DONE.
* MEULIN: mime (Guy steps out window next to superimposed "I'M DONE") (TODO: what is she signing?)
* MEULIN: mime (Sea creature walking along waterbed under a superimposed "NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE") (TODO: what is she signing?)<
* MEULIN: mime (Abraham Simpson of The Simpsons walks in, notices Bart Simpson, and walks out again) (TODO: what is she signing?)
MEENAH: hate to change the subject
#not really
MEENAH: but i kinda side stepped past kurloz back there whilst granting him a wide berth
#didnt wanna get tangled up in his hair
MEENAH: he obviously wont say a thing to me which is probs for tha best
MEENAH: but since he actually talks to you maybe you can answer stuff
MEULIN: (=^ω^=) < LIKE WHAT!
#HAIR POOFING TIPS?
MEENAH: like do you know if hes god tier
MEENAH: im building this army and its going horribubbly so far and im sure it would be unimaginably horrendous havin him along but i needs all the muscle i can get know what im sayin
MEULIN: (=^‥^) < I ACTUALLY DON'T KNOW!
MEULIN: (=^･ω･^=) < YES WE ARE PRETTY CLOSE, BUT YOU KNOW HOW HE IS. HE'S STILL VERY SNEAKRETIVE AND STILL LOVES MAKING RIDDLES OUT OF EVERYTHING.
MEULIN: (=^･ω･^=) < HE'S B33N VERY EXCITED LATELY. HE F33LS THAT SO MANY OF HIS SPOOKY RELIGION'S PROPHECIES ARE ON THE VERGE OF COMING TRUE, AND THE STARS ARE COMING INTO FELINEMENT.
MEULIN: (=^･ω･^=) < REMEMBER HOW HE USED TO GO ON AND ON ABOUT THE MESSIAHS, ANGELS OF DOUBLE DEATH, AND ALL THAT WACKY STUFF?
MEENAH: yeah we always had way waaay too many religious nutjobs in our party
MEENAH: so i always tuna'd him trout
#moar slammin puns #or should i say... #salmon
MEENAH: back when he could talk at least
MEENAH: then he did us all the psycho favor of sewing his mouth shut so it was win win
#angels of double win more like
MEULIN: (^‥^) < HEH. I SUPPOSE.
MEENAH: please dont take this for interest in shippin talk
MEENAH: but you and he arent a red item anymore right
MEULIN: (=^ω^=) < OH NO NO NO THAT WAS A LONG TIME AGO.
MEULIN: (=^ω^=) < WE'RE JUST REALLY GOOD FRIENDS NOW. WE HANG OUT AND JOKE AROUND ALL THE TIME. HE EVEN HELPS ME WITH MY GRIDS!
MEULIN: ~(=^‥^)ノ < GENERALLY I STICK TO THE RED MATCHUPS WHILE HE ADVISES ON BLACK. HE'S 33RILY TALENTED AT PICKING BLACKROM PAIRS! PROBABLY EVEN BETTER THAN ME...
MEENAH: dag what a boring fact
MEENAH: but its cool youre good fronds still
MEENAH: i thought i picked up heavy planktonic vibes from you
MEENAH: now why dontcha run along and talk to him
MEENAH: make use a your mutually compatible disabilities for communicatin and whatnot
#unabilitied mofos errywhere
* MEENAH: mime (Batman puts a glass tube over his head while "CONVERSATION OVER" appears)
- * south to Kurloz
-
> Talk to Kurloz
* MEULIN: mime (Totodile of Pokemon with hearts for eyes) (TODO: what is she signing?)
* KURLOZ: mime (Man dancing with a knife in his mouth and playing cards in his hands) (TODO: what is he signing?)
#:o)
* MEULIN: mime (Zooming in on a surprised-looking bird) (TODO: what is she signing?)
* KURLOZ: mime (Man opens door and reacts very negatively to what he sees) (TODO: what is he signing?)
#:o)
* MEULIN: mime (A woman high-fives herself and points off-camera) (TODO: what is she signing?)
* KURLOZ: mime (From Ewoks: The Battle for Endor, an Ewok named Wicket hugging Cindel Towani) (TODO: what is he signing?)
#:o)
* MEULIN: mime (Usagi Tsukino of Sailor Moon with a very odd look on her face.) (TODO: what is she signing?)
* MEULIN: mime (Button labelled "UNSEE" being pressed repeatedly) (TODO: what is she signing?)
* KURLOZ: mime (The Doctor from Doctor Who standing in the rain with a sad look on his face) (TODO: what is he signing?)
#:o)
* KURLOZ: mime (Gamzee's cod piece) (TODO: what is he signing?)
#:o)
You don't have a COD PIECE! You have not obtained such exquisite finery yet. Perhaps you should do a bit more treasure hunting?
- * south to dream bubble
-
> Examine
You remember spending a fair amount of your time hopping around these lily pads. Once you stumbled on a treasure so rare, so incredible, you could find neither the words nor the mimes to describe it. Alas, you lost it. Could this be the gateway to that special memory?
- * down remembered stairs to chest
-
> Open
You got a COD PIECE!
So soft, so inviting... you are fighting the temptation to wear it right now with all your might. If the crotch was any more forgiving, it would be canonized by the Vatican.
- * talk to Kurloz again, and this time
-
Give Kurloz a COD PIECE?
> Yes
KURLOZ: EXCELLENT WORK, MY MAGE
KURLOZ: WITH THIS MOST RIGHTEOUS MOTHER FUCKIN PELVIC APPAREL, THE WICKED ENSEMBLE IS NOW COMPLETE
KURLOZ: IT MUST BE DELIVERED TO THE BARD OF RAGE AT ONCE, SO THAT HE MAY CONTINUE OUR MIRTHFUL MOTHER FUCKIN WORK
MEULIN: (=ﾟ･ﾟ=) < ALL HAIL THE ONE TRUE MESSIAH.
#OTM #RYDAS AND NINJETTES REPRESENT
KURLOZ: LONG LIVE THE ANGEL OF DOUBLE DEATH
MEULIN: (=ﾟ･ﾟ=) < MAY THE BARD'S RIOTOUS CHUCKLEVOODOOS INSPIRE NIGHTMARES IN ALL WHO WOULD OPPAWS CALICORN, AND MAY THE JOCULARKITTY OF HIS VAST HONK RING LOUD AND MOTHER FUCKIN TRUE ALL THE WAY TO SHANGRI LOL.
#MUCH CLOWN LOVE
KURLOZ: CHURCH. OK, THATS ENOUGH OF MOTHER FUCKIN THAT PIOUS NOISE
KURLOZ: TIME TO RENDEZVOUS WITH MY HOMIE KILLA AND DROP THE SPECIAL SCIENCE ON HIM
MEULIN: (=ﾟ･ﾟ=) < MAY THIS LUDICROUS PAIR OF SHORTS ASSNIFFST HIS HOLY MISSION, AND FLUMMOX ALL WHO WOULD CATST THEIR UNWORTHY GAZE PON ITS FRESH FUCKIN BULGE.
KURLOZ: AY MOTHER FUCKIN MEN, MY WICKED KITTYBITCH
> Talk to Meulin
KURLOZ: :o)
MEULIN: ヾ(=ﾟ･ﾟ=)ﾉ < WHEW...
MEULIN: (^._.^) < KURZORZ, MY HEAD F33LS REALLY FOGGY.
MEULIN: (^._.^) < WHAT JUST HAPPENED? I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER WALKING OVER HERE.
#DID WE JUST TOKE ON SOME BAD NIP OR SOMETHING?
* KURLOZ: mime (The Joker from The Dark Knight clapping) (TODO: what is he signing?)
#:o)
MEULIN: (=^ω^=) < H33H33H33!!! YOU'RE RIGHT, I SHOULDN'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
* MEULIN: mime (Madara of Natsume Yuujinchou dancing) (TODO: what is she signing?)
* KURLOZ: mime (The G-Man of Half-Life with arms spazzing and knocking a computer off a desk) (TODO: what is he signing?)
#:o)
* MEULIN: mime (Princess Bubblegum of Adventure Time flipping a table with a potted plant on it) (TODO: what is she signing?)
* KURLOZ: mime (A woman watches a man kick over a potted plant, then turns to the camera with a sad look on her face) (TODO: what is he signing?)
#:o)
* MEULIN: mime (A performer kisses her hand and points out to the audience) (TODO: what is she signing?)
KURLOZ: :o)
MEULIN: ~(=^‥^) < WHAT'S THAT? YOU HAVE TO GO RUN AN ERRAND?
MEULIN: (=^-ω-^=) < OK33DOK33, HAVE FUN!
* KURLOZ: mime (Homer Simpson of The Simpsons backing into a bush) (TODO: what is he signing?)
- * back north, and approach Meenah
-
KURLOZ: THERE IS NO NEED TO APPROACH THE YOUNG MISGUIDED EMPRESS
KURLOZ: SHE REMAINS BLISSFULLY UNAWARE OF THE MACHINATIONS WHICH TRANSPIRE BETWEEN THE HEROES OF RAGE
KURLOZ: LET HER TRY TO RAISE HER PATHETIC ARMY OF SOULS. SHE WILL BE DOUBLE SLAIN BY OUR LORD LIKE ALL THE OTHER MIRTHLESS HERETICS
KURLOZ: HONK
KURLOZ: *HONK*
- * access dream bubble
-
> Examine
You've kept many secrets from your friends. Secrets to you were always the most beautiful miracles of all. They are the private answers to a bunch of riddles no one ever asked.
But since this place is made of memories, you've had to be extra careful with your secrets. You've carved out an extensive network of virtual catacombs throughout the bubbles, leading to hidden treasures, black recollections, and perhaps one or two illicit dropoff points.
- * enter remembered archway to new room...
- * left-hand chest
-
> Open
You got a JUJU BREAKER!
This is an extremely rare, dangerous, and particularly blasphemous item. The thought of destroying a precious juju makes your blood boil. This must be guarded carefully. You cannot let it fall into the wrong hands.
- * right-hand chest
-
> Open
You got a JUJU CHEST!
Only a cherub can open it. You would be double-dying of curiosity to know what's inside, except for the fact that it would be heresy to even wonder. And you would bite your tongue for having the thought, if you hadn't already chewed it off long ago.
- * south...
-
KURLOZ: I COME BEARING THEE FINAL JOLLY ACCOUTREMENT MY FAITHFUL INVERTEBROTHER
KURLOZ: THY BARDLY REGALIA IS DONE AND FUCKING DUSTED BY THE SPECIAL STARS THEMSELVES
KURLOZ: ON THIS DAY THE DARK CARNIVAL REJOICED AND SAID IT WAS MONEY
KURLOZ: NOW BRING TO LIFE OUR WICKED RUSE WITH APLOMB MY NINJA
KURLOZ: OUT LORD AWAITS YOUR SERVITUDE AND TUTELAGE AT ONCE
KURLOZ: WE SHALL NOW BUST OPEN THESE BITCHIN ELIXIR FORTIES
KURLOZ: AND POUR SOME SWEET SWILL OUT FOR THE SOULS WHO SOON WONT BE NO MORE
#:o)
GAMZEE: shut your mother fucking mouth and give me the cod piece
* KURLOZ: (miss zuipperlips)
- * you are now Meenah once more, return south and west to the puzzle door
-
> Use spade key
> Use heart key
- * a last talk with Mituna
-
> Talk to Mituna
MEENAH: dont let the haters get you down kid
MITUNA: F15CHY FUCK3Y 815QU3 4ZZ H4G
MEENAH: oh well yall cant say i didnt try to treat you nice
* MITUNA: mime - "you tried" gold star
MEENAH: ey!
MEENAH: i should be the one to condescend to YOU with that mime
MEENAH: what considerin your uber flagrant mental probs
MEENAH: you be shells of aggravatin captor
MEENAH: i seriously gotta ditch this fuckin area and get on with my lil adventure deal
- * a last word with Cronos
-
> Talk to Cronos
- * go through the opened puzzle door to a new room...
- * visit lusus
-
> Examine
GRUUUUUMMBLE
Looks like SOMEONE'S custodian is in a permanently surly mood today, as well as all other days.
#crab dad
- * visit shouty
-
> Talk to Karkat
KARKAT: HEY, GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY... OH. IT'S YOU AGAIN.
KARKAT: SORRY, FOR A SECOND I THOUGHT ERIDAN'S AWFUL ANCESTOR FOUND HIS WAY IN HERE.
KARKAT: I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO BE MORE OF A SHITBAG THAN THAT GUY, BUT SOMEHOW AMPORA TEEN-SENIOR PULLS IT OFF?
KARKAT: I WOULDN'T HAVE BELIEVED IT IF I DIDN'T ABSORB IT WITH MY OWN AGGRAVATION SPONGE. JUST INCREDIBLE.
MEENAH: yeah vantas im gonna clue you in on somefin
MEENAH: mosta my crew is hecks of dreadful to be around
KARKAT: I KNOW!!!
KARKAT: HOW IS IT EVEN POSSIBLE FOR A GROUP OF PEOPLE TO SUCK SO MUCH, WHEN THEY'RE PRESUMABLY ALMOST GENETICALLY IDENTICAL TO A BUNCH OF PEOPLE I LIKE?
KARKAT: MAYBE IT'S THE AGE DIFFERENCE? OR THE FACT THAT THEY ALL GREW UP ON A PLANET FOR LAME PANSIES WHO ARE CIVICALLY OBLIGATED TO WET THEMSELVES DAILY.
MEENAH: ahahahahaha
KARKAT: I HAVE TO ADMIT, MEETING ALL OUR ANCESTORS LIKE THIS HAS BEEN KIND OF OVERWHELMING.
KARKAT: I KIND OF HAD TO GET AWAY FROM EVERYONE AND BE ALONE FOR A WHILE. HOPEFULLY I'LL JUST FUCKING WAKE UP SOON.
MEENAH: oh uh
MEENAH: you want i should step off
KARKAT: UH
KARKAT: NO, THAT'S OK.
KARKAT: YOU'RE ACTUALLY FINE, MOSTLY. I JUST COULDN'T TAKE ANOTHER ENCOUNTER WITH RED SWEATER GUY.
KARKAT: HE'S LEFT MY HEAD SPINNING, AND NOT JUST BECAUSE HE NEVER SHUTS THE FUCK UP.
KARKAT: FOR A LONG TIME, I DIDN'T EVEN BELIEVE WE HAD ANCESTORS. I THOUGHT EVEN THE CONCEPT OF ANCESTORS WAS JUST SUPERSTITIOUS, EGO-STROKING ARISTOCRATIC BULLSHIT.
KARKAT: BUT NOT ONLY DOES IT TURN OUT YOU'RE ALL REAL, BUT APPARENTLY YOU HAD THIS WHOLE DIFFERENT CULTURE IN AN ALTERNATE UNIVERSE BEFORE US? SORRY, THAT'S A LOT TO TAKE IN.
KARKAT: WAIT...
KARKAT: OH, NO. NO, FUCK ME. HOLY FUCK.
KARKAT: "BEFORE US?" GOD DAMMIT. I *JUST* GOT THAT.
KARKAT: SEE? THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. MEETING YOU GUYS HAS MADE ME HAVE LITTLE INFURIATING REVELATIONS LIKE THAT ALMOST CONSTANTLY.
KARKAT: LIKE, NOW IT CASTS THE NAME OF MY OWN PLANET IN A WHOLE NEW STUPID LIGHT. ALTERNIA? AS IN, ALTERNATE? ALTERNATE TO WHAT. TURNS OUT IT IS THE *ALTERNATIVE* TO A PLANET CALLED BEFORUS! THE PLANET WHICH CAME *BEFOOOORE* US. HAHAHA! GET IT?
KARKAT: WHATEVER JOKERS NAMED THESE PLANETS WERE COMPLETE FUCKING MORONS.
MEENAH: well fwiw
MEENAH: alternias da bomb compared to my planet
MEENAH: and im not just saying that because grownup me ran the joint 38D
KARKAT: HEY, DON'T LET ANYONE KID YOU. ALTERNIA WAS FUCKING GREAT.
KARKAT: I DON'T EVEN CARE THAT MY BLOOD MADE ME A PARIAH. IT WAS WORTH TO IT LIVE ON SUCH A BADASS PLANET.
KARKAT: SOME PEOPLE LIKED TO TALK SHIT ABOUT THE EMPRESS. AND IT'S TRUE, SHE PROBABLY WOULD HAVE CULLED THE SHIT OUT OF ME ON SIGHT. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? I ALWAYS RESPECTED HER AS A STRONG LEADER.
KARKAT: SHE KNEW HOW TO GET SHIT DONE AND DIDN'T PUT UP WITH DISSENSION FROM WORTHLESS IDIOTS. AND ALL SHE DID WAS, YOU KNOW... TAKE OVER THE ENTIRE FUCKING GALAXY. NOT TOO SHABBY.
KARKAT: I USED TO HAVE THIS KIND OF EMBARRASSING FANTASY THAT I WOULD GROW UP ONE DAY AND BECOME A THRESHECUTIONER. DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT IS?
MEENAH: ?
KARKAT: THEY WERE LIKE THE DEADLIEST SQUAD OF INTERSTELLAR FIGHTERS UNDER THE COMMAND OF THE EMPRESS. THEY HELPED CONQUER MORE PLANETS THAN ANY OTHER IMPERIAL FORCE. BUT IT WOULD HAVE BEEN IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME TO MAKE THE CUT, BECAUSE OF MY BLOOD. SO I USED TO THINK OF ALL THESE ELABORATE SCENARIOS TO HIDE MY BLOOD COLOR. OR IN THE MORE RIDICULOUS FANTASIES, MAYBE I COULD EVEN PROVE MY WORTH AS A SOLDIER? LIKE JUST BE SO AWESOME WITH A SICKLE, THEY WOULD JUST HAVE TO MAKE AN EXCEPTION. MAYBE EVEN BE LIKE A FOLK HERO AND RISE THROUGH THE RANKS TO BECOME THE LEADER. HAHA.
KARKAT: THOSE WERE OBVIOUSLY JUST SOME CHILDISH DAY DREAMS. I'VE LEARNED A LOT ABOUT WHAT BEING A LEADER REALLY MEANS SINCE THEN. MAINLY THAT IT'S A LOT HARDER THAN EVERYONE THINKS.
KARKAT: SO I GUESS I LEARNED TO RESPECT WHO YOU TURNED OUT TO BE ON MY WORLD EVEN MORE THAN I DID ALREADY, BECAUSE OF THAT.
MEENAH: yeah
MEENAH: the leadership thing is hard as globes
MEENAH: could barely get anyone to lift a flippin finger in my session
MEENAH: and now its like that all over again trying to raise this army
MEENAH: i reely dunno how sexy bitch grownup me pulled it off
KARKAT: OH YEAH. HOW IS THAT GOING?
KARKAT: HOW MANY RECRUITS DO YOU HAVE?
MEENAH: want to take a guess
KARKAT: OH. STILL ZERO, HUH? YEAH, THAT SOUNDS ABOUT RIGHT. SERIOUSLY, FUCK LEADERSHIP.
MEENAH: i know!!!!!!
KARKAT: WELL LOOK, HOW ABOUT THIS. LATER ON, WHEN I'M AWAKE OBVIOUSLY, MAYBE OUR METEOR WILL HIT A RENDEZVOUS POINT WITH YOU AGAIN.
KARKAT: IF BY THEN, YOU'RE STILL LOOKING FOR RECRUITS, I'LL LIKE... HOP OFF THE METEOR OR SOMETHING. AND JOIN YOUR ARMY.
MEENAH:
KARKAT: THEN WE, I MEAN YOU AND ME AND WHATEVER OTHER IDIOTS YOU'VE ROUNDED UP, CAN ALL GO FIGHT THE INVINCIBLE DEMON.
MEENAH:
KARKAT: I DON'T KNOW WHY EVERY TIME I TURN AROUND, I'M UP AGAINST AN INVINCIBLE DEMON OF ONE SORT OR ANOTHER. I GUESS THAT'S JUST THE IMPOSSIBLE KIND OF THING PARADOX SPACE WANTS ME TO DO TO PROVE I'M NOT SOME HORRIBLE MISTAKE OF NATURE. ANYWAY, DOES THAT SOUND GOOD?
MEENAH:
KARKAT: OH, BUT ON ONE CONDITION. AS THE NEW EMPRESS, YOU HAVE TO APPOINT ME AS GRAND THRESHECUTIONER OF YOUR ARMY. DO WE HAVE A DEAL?
MEENAH: oh yes yes you got it yessss
KARKAT: GOOD. OK, THAT'S SETTLED.
KARKAT: NOW I'M GOING TO GO FOR A WALK, DO SOME MORE THINKING. ALONE. OK?
KARKAT: JUST UH... MAKE YOURSELF AT HOME HERE... IN THIS STRANGE MEMORY PROJECTION OF MY ROOM. I'D TELL YOU NOT TO RIFLE THROUGH MY SHIT, BUT NONE OF IT IS EVEN REAL. SO GO NUTS. WHATEVER.
KARKAT: I'M LEAVING.
Be Karkat?
> Yes
> Talk to Meenah
KARKAT: LIKE I SAID, MAKE YOURSELF AT HOME.
KARKAT: FEEL FREE TO HANG OUT WITH MY LUSUS THERE. THOUGH I SHOULD WARN YOU, HE'S NEVER MET ANOTHER KID HE DIDN'T MAKE AT LEAST SOME VAGUE ATTEMPT TO EAT.
- * go north through door to another room...
- * follow stairs up and around, down to west, down south, down east, to the dragon cosplayer
-
> Talk to Terezi
KARKAT: TEREZI, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE ASLEEP.
TEREZI: SHRUG
KARKAT: WHY ARE YOU HERE ALL ALONE IN THE WOODS? OR THE PRETEND WOODS, I GUESS.
KARKAT: AND WHY DO YOU HAVE YOUR DRAGON COSPLAY PULLED DOWN LIKE THAT? IS SOMETHING THE MATTER?
TEREZI: NO
TEREZI: 1M F1N3
KARKAT: YOU DON'T SOUND FINE. DON'T BULLSHIT ME LIKE THAT, I KNOW WHEN SOMETHING'S UP WITH YOU.
TEREZI: K4RK4T PL34S3 JUST L34V3 M3 4LON3
KARKAT: OK, I GET IT IF YOU WANT SOME ALONE TIME. I MEAN, I ACTUALLY JUST GOT DONE SULKING THE FUCK OUT MYSELF JUST NOW.
KARKAT: BUT IT REALLY HELPS TO TALK TO SOMEBODY. YOU CAN TALK TO ME ABOUT STUFF, YOU KNOW THAT RIGHT?
TEREZI: Y34H, 1 GU3SS
KARKAT: IS IT DAVE? DID HE DO SOMETHING DOUCHEY AGAIN?
TEREZI: ...
KARKAT: DID HE BREAK UP WITH YOU? HE BROKE UP WITH YOU, DIDN'T HE. I KNEW IT, I COULD JUST SEE THE WRITING ON THE WA...
TEREZI: H3 D1DNT BR34K UP W1TH M3!!!
TEREZI: 1T H4S NOTH1NG TO DO W1TH D4V3
KARKAT: OK THEN WHAT
TEREZI: 1TS
TEREZI: MY 4NC3STOR
KARKAT: YEAH? WHAT ABOUT HER.
TEREZI: SH3
TEREZI: SH3S JUST
TEREZI: SO
TEREZI: R4D1C4L >:[
KARKAT: HUH?
TEREZI: 1 JUST D1D NOT KNOW 1T W4S 3V3N POSS1BL3
TEREZI: TO B3 SO R4D
TEREZI: 1 4LMOST C4NT H4NDL3 1T K4RK4T
TEREZI: TH3 R4DN3SS
TEREZI: HOW DO3S SH3 DO 1T?
KARKAT: WELL, LET'S SEE. SHE RIDES A FUCKING SKATEBOARD. AND THAT'S IT. PRETTY MUCH END OF THE EXPLANATION.
TEREZI: 1 TH1NK 1T 1S SO MUCH MOR3 TH4N TH4T
TEREZI: 3V3RYON3 LOV3S H3R
TEREZI: SH3 1S SO S4SSY 4ND FUN, SH3S TH3 B3ST 4T G4M3S, 4ND 4LL H3R STUNTS 4R3 1NCR3D1BL3
TEREZI: HOW 4M 1 SUPPOS3D TO M34SUR3 UP TO TH4T?
KARKAT: OH COME ON
KARKAT: DON'T TELL ME THIS IS GOING TO BE A THING WITH YOU NOW.
TEREZI: WH4T TH1NG?
KARKAT: A SELF ESTEEM THING.
KARKAT: YOU REALLY SHOULDN'T BE LIKE THAT, IT'S JUST SO UNWARRANTED.
TEREZI: W3LL TH4TS HOW 1 F33L, SO TOO B4D!!!
KARKAT: TEREZI, I CAN'T STRESS THIS ENOUGH. YOU ARE *NOT* IN ANYONE'S SHADOW.
KARKAT: LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING ABOUT OUR ANCESTORS.
KARKAT: THEY'RE ALL ASSHOLES!!!
TEREZI: >:|
TEREZI: SH3 1S NOT 4N 4SSHOL3
KARKAT: NO, SHE IS. TRUST ME.
KARKAT: THEY ALL ARE. AT LEAST THE VAST MAJORITY.
KARKAT: THEY PRACTICALLY AREN'T EVEN PEOPLE. THEY'RE WALKING, TALKING, LIKE...
KARKAT: I DON'T KNOW HOW TO PUT IT. ALMOST LIKE LIVING PARODIES OF HORRIBLE, CLICHED BEHAVIOR PATTERNS.
TEREZI: WH4T, YOU M34N L1K3...
TEREZI: T33N4G3RS?
KARKAT: YES.
KARKAT: BUT IT'S MORE THAN JUST THAT. TAKE MY ANCESTOR FOR EXAMPLE.
KARKAT: TOTAL ASSHOLE! PROBABLY THE WORST ASSHOLE THERE IS.
KARKAT: YOU WOULDN'T KNOW IT RIGHT AWAY BECAUSE I GUESS HE DOESN'T YELL AT PEOPLE LIKE ME? BUT THAT PROBABLY MAKES IT WORSE.
KARKAT: HE JUST GOES ON AND ON ABOUT THE MOST SANCTIMONIOUS, INCOMPREHENSIBLE GARBAGE YOU EVER HEARD. HE THINKS HE'S BETTER THAN EVERYONE BUT THEN DRESSES IT UP IN THIS BOGUS HYPER-ACADEMIC HUMILITY. HE TRIES TO DEFEND PEOPLE WITH "PROBLEMS" BUT JUST WINDS UP INSULTING THOSE PEOPLE IN BACKHANDED WAYS. HE LECTURES PEOPLE ENDLESSLY, AND WHENEVER HE RISES TO THE "DEFENSE" OF HIS FRIENDS HE USUALLY ENDS UP GIVING THEM A BIG FUCK YOU BY BEING IMPLICITLY JUDGMENTAL.
KARKAT: I COULD REALLY GO ON FOREVER ABOUT HIM, BUT I WON'T, BECAUSE THEN I'D BE STOOPING TO HIS LEVEL.
TEREZI: H3H3...
KARKAT: AND YOUR ANCESTOR? YEAH, SHE'S "FUN" I GUESS. BUT TALK ABOUT A PHONY.
KARKAT: OH AND I DON'T GIVE A *FUCK* WHAT ANYONE SAYS, LOSING YOUR SENSE OF SMELL IS NOT A REAL DISABILITY!!!
KARKAT: HER RAD GIRL THING IS SUCH AN OBVIOUS ACT. SHE'S CLEARLY WORKED FOR SWEEPS ON PERFECTING IT, AND QUITE APPARENTLY REVELS IN THE ATTENTION IT GETS HER.
KARKAT: BUT THE FACT THAT SHE WORKS SO HARD ON IT IS EXACTLY WHY YOU DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.
KARKAT: YOU DON'T EVEN NEED TO TRY TO BE THE GOOD PERSON YOU ALREADY ARE.
KARKAT: SEE, YOU ALREADY KNOW HOW TO HAVE FUN AND BE LIKABLE BY JUST BEING YOURSELF. IT DOESN'T NEED TO BE PART OF SOME OVER THE TOP SCHTICK TO IMPRESS PEOPLE. WHEN SHE DOES THE RAD GIRL THING IT'S LIKE A DISGUISE, PROBABLY COVERING UP SOME PART OF HERSELF SHE'S UNHAPPY WITH. BUT WHEN YOU WITHDRAW AND COVER YOURSELF UP LIKE THAT, YOU'RE ACTUALLY JUST PREVENTING PEOPLE FROM SEEING SOMEONE WHO'S ALREADY BEAUTIFUL.
TEREZI: ...
KARKAT: I KNOW I COMPLETELY FUCKED UP WITH YOU. THIS ISN'T, UH... OK. I'M NOT LIKE TRYING TO REDEEM MYSELF HERE. I MADE MY RECUPERACOON AND NOW I HAVE TO WRIGGLE AROUND IN ITS SLIME. I TOTALLY ACCEPT THAT. BUT AS YOUR FRIEND I REALLY DON'T WANT YOU TO START FEELING BAD ABOUT YOURSELF BECAUSE OF ONE OF THESE SHALLOW, TWO DIMENSIONAL DIPSHITS. BUT I TOTALLY CONCEDE THAT YOU MADE YOUR CHOICE ABOUT ME, AND I RESPECT YOUR DECISION. I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY IS ALL.
TEREZI: ...
KARKAT: OK, I'M PROBABLY JUST STICKING MY FOOT IN MY FUCKING TALK BLASTER YET AGAIN, AND I'M PROBABLY MAKING YOU UNCOMFORTABLE. I GUESS I'LL GO BACK TO MY ROOM NOW. I HOPE YOU TAKE AT LEAST SOME OF WHAT I SAID SERIOUSLY THOUGH.
KARKAT: UM. YEAH. OK, BYE.
- * take moment to compose self after extreme feels
- * go back up the steps, you'll switch to being Terezi
- * chest
-
> Open
You got a sack full of EMBEZZLED BEETLES!
It is the absolute perfect currency for bribing corrupt prosecutors when you find yourself in the hot seat with the law. Their greedy snouts simply cannot resist. Just make sure the terrifying brainless monster judge doesn't catch you in the act! You have to wait for His Tyranny to be distracted by something besides the judicial proceedings. This is an occurrence that is far from infrequent.
- * climb the stairs to the chest
-
You got a STABBING CANE!
It would be really unfortunate to be blind and walk around without having a reliable instrument to help you stab where you're going.
- * go back in the door, to a new room...
-
> Talk to Meenah
TEREZI: OH... H3Y
TEREZI: 1TS YOU
TEREZI: WH4T 4R3 YOU DO1NG 1N MY H1V3?
MEENAH: shit pyrope dont sniff at me
MEENAH: i was standin around in shoutkats place when it all dream switched on me outta nowhere
TEREZI: D1D YOU S33 H1M COM3 1N H3R3?
MEENAH: naw
MEENAH: wait you lookin for him now too?
TEREZI: Y3S
MEENAH: good luck with that the guys slippery as a goddamn eel
MEENAH: spent all day tracking him down myself
MEENAH: but i finally caught up with him a while ago
TEREZI: OH?
MEENAH: yeah
MEENAH: and i think
MEENAH: we might be goin on a date later?
TEREZI: WH4T
MEENAH: i mean
MEENAH: maybe
MEENAH: i dunno if im misreadin his intent there
MEENAH: you might know better than me
TEREZI: WH4T D1D H3 S4Y?
MEENAH: well whatever the case is later hes goin to hop off the meteor and fight lord invincible with me
MEENAH: whatta you think am i readin too much into shit or
TEREZI: UMM...
TEREZI: SHRUG >:|
MEENAH: yeah guess well sea
MEENAH: anyway im out
MEENAH: this hive you got is craycray pyrope
MEENAH: can appreciate a girl with a gaudy sense a design
Be Meenah?
> Yes
> Talk to Terezi
MEENAH: ps ur dragon outfit rules
TEREZI: >:]
- * exit the door, and go visit Aranea's exposition booth
-
> Talk
EXPOSITION 5 BOONBUCKS
THE SYLPH IS IN
> Ask Aranea about Cherubquest
ARANEA: I...
ARANEA: Still haven't found her quite yet.
MEENAH: any leads or
ARANEA: Not really.
ARANEA: She's apparently very well hidden!
MEENAH: um yeah sure
MEENAH: but
MEENAH: have you even really been lookin
ARANEA: Um...
MEENAH: or have you been fucking around with your lil exposition stand
ARANEA: I have 8een dividing my time efficiently. 8ut thank you for your concern.
MEENAH: it wasnt even that long ago we talked about other boring stuff
MEENAH: you had to drag your stand over to the top of this tree
MEENAH: like all waitin for me up here
MEENAH: how long did that take
ARANEA: Never mind a8out that!
ARANEA: And yes, I did stop along the way to explain some important things to people.
ARANEA: People are curious a8out information, Meenah. They want to KNOW things, alright?
MEENAH: they want to know...
MEENAH: or you want to tell them?
ARANEA: 8oth!!!!!!!!
MEENAH: ok lemme ask this
MEENAH: did you pay them so you could explain stuff
ARANEA: ...
ARANEA: Yes.
ARANEA: SO????????
MEENAH: so how long would you estimate you spent cherub hunting in between your splainins
ARANEA: I...
ARANEA: Look. Finding this cheru8 was always going to 8e a slow 8urning quest. It is an intricate, layered mystery that can't 8e rushed. I'm working up to it!!!!!!!!
MEENAH: aranea serket i have somefin to explain to you at no expense
MEENAH: i find your humorously ineffective approach to this quest to be max adorbs
ARANEA:
> Tell me about Cronos Ampora
ARANEA: The 8ard of Hope may seem a little jaded these days, 8ut he once had a deeply a8iding faith in magic, and dedicated himself to 8ecoming a great wizard. He 8ecame convinced he was hatched to defeat an extraordinarily evil magician, one he swore the angels foretold of. Though when pressed for the name of the man, he would not say it, claiming it was too dangerous to even enunciate. Part of his self-aggrandizing mythos was that this magician once somehow from afar tried to strike him down at a young age, so he would never have to face him. 8ut the evil spell was deflected, sealing the magician's spirit away in a series of unassuming vessels until he could find some other cunning way to enter our universe. The attack supposedly left him with his distinctive scar, which he was not reluctant to point out when trying to hit on me. Uh, I mean, he wasn't reluctant to mention it in casual conversation.
ARANEA: 8ut at some point he 8ecame disillusioned with magic. If there ever was any truth to his far fetched vision, the legacy of defeating the evil magician would have to 8e passed on to his descendant, or if his descendant proved to 8e as much of a failure as he did, then perhaps on to some other Hero of Hope. I'm unsure why he suffered this crisis of faith, aside from the o8vious reasons having to do with an overall lack of character, or any other redeeming qualities. Perhaps someone talked him out of his 8eliefs. May8e a friend close to him. Or, if one is to 8elieve his fantasy held any water, perhaps someone who was in league with the evil magician. Whatever the case, it was pro8a8ly for the 8est, since pretty much everyone who had half a think pan thought it was all a 8unch of ridiculous nonsense.
MEENAH: serket why do you got to hate on other peoples religions
MEENAH: dont you kno they just as much a load of crackpotty bunk as all your spiritual bullfuck
ARANEA: 8ut I........
ARANEA: Yes, I guess I was out of line.
ARANEA: Sorry, I was just trying to riff with you little on a mutually disliked acquaintance. Is that really so 8ad? Why do you have to take every opportunity to knock my personal 8eliefs?
ARANEA: You can really 8e so mean sometimes.
MEENAH: can i have my money now
ARANEA: Yes. Here.
> Tell me about Mituna Captor
ARANEA: The Heir of Doom was once a powerful psionic. He was gifted with vision twofold, and had strong prophetic insights wherever a 8leak future was concerned. He had much to say when it came to warning us a8out the path of doom and destruction we were all headed for, 8ut no one took him very seriously. 8ut one day he lost all those a8ilities when he 8adly overexerted himself. It's hard to get any specifics from him, 8ut indications are that he applied every last 8it of energy he had toward some great act of heroism, saving us all from some looming threat. Not only did his exertion permanently 8urn out his psychic a8ilities, 8ut it left him somewhat... er. Incoherent.
MEENAH: yeah i always wondered what happened there
MEENAH: anyone ever get to the bottom a that
ARANEA: No. The entire incident is shrouded in mystery. From his limited and scattered accounts of what happened, it seems very likely that Kurloz was with him at the time, as the only eye witness. And of course it's impossi8le to get any relia8le information out of him. I guess we may never know, sadly.
MEENAH: hey this was actually kinda interesting
MEENAH: it was W-ELL worth taking the money youre givin me to put up with it
ARANEA: Agreed! ::::D
> Tell me about Kurloz Makara
ARANEA: Prince of Rage actually used to 8e quite talkative. That is, until he had a nightmare which prompted a 8izarre incident, after which he would never speak again. He took a sort of spiritual vow of silence, which I'm sure was pro8a8ly related to his esoteric faith. Thereafter he 8ecame infuriatingly enigmatic. I've found it impossi8le to get any info out of him, 8etween his am8iguous mimes and penchant for riddles. It's very frustrating, especially for someone like me, who has a passion for gathering as many facts a8out our story as possi8le.
ARANEA: Want to know a secret? Please don't tell anyone, 8ut I really can't stand the guy.
ARANEA: It's pro8a8ly unfair to him 8ecause he is o8viously such a sweet and harmless fellow. 8ut something a8out him ru8s me the wrong way. I guess I can just 8e a little petty sometimes.
MEENAH: yeah...
MEENAH: wow serket
MEENAH: just wow so rude
MEENAH: poor clown
ARANEA: Don't give me that! I seem to remem8er you having more than a few unkind words for him 8ehind his 8ack.
MEENAH: yeah im messin witchu he sux
MEENAH: so
MEENAH: conversation over?
ARANEA: Yes.
MEENAH: ka
MEENAH: ching
> Tell me about Meulin Leijon
ARANEA: Mage of Heart as you know is an ardent disciple of the romantic sciences. She has a well earned reputation as a miracle worker when it comes to match making. 8ut her own romantic history ironically has 8een riddled with trou8le and heart8reak.
ARANEA: Once, well 8efore our session 8egan, she and Kurloz were in a very loving matespritship. It really seemed to everyone they were made for each other. One day, they fell asleep together. Kurloz then had a nightmare so terrifying, he released the most dreadful sound imagina8le. It truly echoed the horror of the Vast Honk itself. The noise was so loud and so awful, Meulin went completely deaf, and her hearing never recovered. Kurloz was undou8tedly devastated 8y what he'd done to her. He was so distraught, he sewed his mouth shut, and has never spoken a word since.
ARANEA: Though they drifted apart as matesprits, Meulin never held it against him, and even seemed to take delight in learning new ways to communicate. They continued to remain very close to this day. May8e a little too close, if you ask me. It's clear that her sympathies have 8een gradually swayed in support of the High8lood's cult. She stays private a8out her 8eliefs, 8ut now and then I'll notice she lets some tenet of mirthful doctrine slip out. I suppose I shouldn't 8e too concerned though, since it's almost certainly a lot of harmless superstition.
MEENAH: )(ONK
ARANEA: Honk honk! ::::)
MEENAH: lol im glad we can both agree that clowny fuckin soda cult is the dumbest shit ever
ARANEA: Yes. Now here is your money. Thanks for listening!
MEENAH: serks do you even know how silly yall are
MEENAH: <3
> Peace out
- * cross the bridge east
-
This leads to the end of the game. Are you sure you're done here?