- * click controls icon in top-right
-
Use ARROW KEYS (or WASD KEYS) to walk and SPACEBAR to interact.
- * walk north to goggles (and press SPACE)
-
Alert : ♍
> Pick up serious business goggles.
You re-equip SERIOUS BUSINESS GOGGLES! Would have sucked if you lost these.
> Answer Vriska
VRISKA: John.
VRISKA: CONGRATUL8TIONS!!!!!!!!
JOHN: for what? you mean...
JOHN: that windy thing? did i actually do that somehow?
VRISKA: Well, yes, you did. And I suppose congratul8tions are in order for that too.
VRISKA: 8ut mostly, I am congratul8ting you........
VRISKA: FOR GAINING ALL THE LEVELS!!!!!!!! ::::O
JOHN: oh, right! i got to the top of my echeladder somehow. i didn't even really think it had a top, or that i would get there so fast.
JOHN: so i guess that's it, then! don't have to worry about leveling up anymore. that's pretty neat.
VRISKA: Don't 8e ridiculous, John.
VRISKA: While you may have technically gained all the levels just now, you did not truly gain ALL of them just yet.
VRISKA: In a way, this is really just the 8eginning.
JOHN: it is?
VRISKA: Yes. You are now ready to 8egin your ascent through the god tiers.
VRISKA: No8ody I know was a8le to progress this far anywhere near as fast and you, John. Not even me! I can't tell you how proud I am.
JOHN: wow, really?
JOHN: ok, what do i do?
VRISKA: The thing is, from this point on, you can't make any progress while you're awake. So you've got to get to sleep!
VRISKA: 8ut not just any 8oring old nap will do. You will need to go to sleep in a special 8ed.VRISKA: You must find your Quest 8ed, John.
JOHN: that sounds pretty cool. where is it?
VRISKA: Not too far away! 8ut rather than me telling you, why don't you talk to the locals and ask around?
VRISKA: I've helped you get this far, 8ut at some point you are going to have to start taking some steps all 8y yourself. I think you're ready for that!
VRISKA: If you make the right decisions and play all your cards right, hell, you might even wind up at a higher tier than I did!
VRISKA: I hope this turns out to 8e the case. I am rooting for you all the way. Now get going and find that 8ed!!!!!!!!
JOHN: ok, i will! thanks a lot, vriska!
- * visit salamander to your west (and press SPACE)
-
> Talk.
SALAMANDER: Did you see it??? It was there, after the Windy Thing!
JOHN: see what?
SALAMANDER: Oh gosh, I can't think of the word. The big flat thing thats as wide as possible, and up.
JOHN: um...
SALAMANDER: The dark colored ceiling that clouds stay under.
JOHN: you mean... the sky?
SALAMANDER: YES! It was so beautiful. I hope to witness its miracle again one day before the end of my sadly short amphibious lifespan.
- * northeast to Pyxis
-
> Open Pyxis
You got a MINITABLET
- * north up the steps, follow path
-
> Talk.
SALAMANDER: That was quite a bluster, wouldn't you say? It really had us all whipping around here, our little legs flailing every which way.
JOHN: you must be talking about the windy thing.
JOHN: yeah, uh. sorry about that.
SALAMANDER: What would you have to be sorry about?
SALAMANDER: A great surge of The Breeze like that could only be summoned by the Heir! It means he's finally come!!! This is so exciting.
SALAMANDER: Please let me know if you see him.
JOHN: heheh.
- * follow path into first village clearing, and check stuff out west to east...
-
> Talk.
SALAMANDER: I thought for sure our mushroom was cooked! The Green Tragedy nearly consumed us all.
JOHN: the green tragedy? oh...
JOHN: you mean the fire?
SALAMANDER: Yes. Word has spread of the global catastrophe. Thousands of lives were lost.
SALAMANDER: Luckily the Heir saved us! I'm going to pop a big friendly bubble in his face if I am ever lucky enough to meet him.
JOHN: wow...
JOHN: sounds like he's in for a treat!
> Open Pyxis
You got a CAN OF TAB!
Oh yes, you have been dying to try this beverage for a long time. Perfect timing too, since you are in need of a good sugar kick. This can should be JAM PACKED full of real, actual sugar.
Blech. This stuff sucks.
> Talk.
SALAMANDER: We must all come together and unify as a people after the terrible Green Tragedy.
SALAMANDER: This harmonious union will mostly entail a lot of standing around and fidgeting hyperactively... together!
> Talk.
SALAMANDER: Oh boy oh boy oh boy, I can't wait for the Heir to visit our village. Hey! Maybe he's here RIGHT NOW!
SALAMANDER: Maybe if I blow my spit bubble to be big enough, it will catch the Heir's reflection, and I will be able to bask in his magnificence.
SALAMANDER: Wait... I see someone in my bubble's reflection right now! Could it be... could it...
SALAMANDER: Oh, never mind. It's just a dumb boy with some square glass shapes on his face.
JOHN: hey!!!
- * south down the steps
-
> Open Pyxis
You got... one of your FAKE ARMS?
Man, why do they have to rummage through your stuff and start mailing it all over the planet?
- * head west
-
> Talk.
JOHN: hey little fella, where are your parents?
JOHN: do salamanders even have parents?
JOHN: oh, duh, of course they do. i guess what i mean is do you have a family or anything?
SALAMANDER: glub
JOHN: hmm, i already adopted one young salamander today. but, then i left her at my friend's house...
JOHN: so i think i'll let you be. i dunno if i'm cut out to be a dad!
JOHN: i mean, i don't even have a tie, or a pipe, or a really serious looking wallet or anything.
JOHN: thinking about it is making me miss my dad. hey, i wonder if i'll see him when i sleep on my quest bed? i hope so.
JOHN: anyway, thanks for listening. see you, little guy!
SALAMANDER: glub
> Open Pyxis
You got MORE ILLEGAL CONTRABAND!
Dude, this frog is SO ILLEGAL. You'd better ditch this thing before a wily agent of Derse sees you with it.
- * back east and north to the clearing
- * head north up the steps to a T-junction with a sign
-
> Read sign post.
Left : village
Right : mushroom orchard, and also a secret grotto! shhhh.....
- * head right, i.e. east
-
> Talk.
SALAMANDER: Hey you! Don't go any further! The mushroom orchard has been commandeered by a frightening beast!
SALAMANDER: It is terribly powerful, unlike any underling I have ever seen, at least not before the Green Tragedy.
SALAMANDER: The devil is making it nigh impossible to farm our goddamn mushrooms!
> Talk.
SALAMANDER: Halt! We are guarding the mushroom orchard. It is for your own good. Do not pass.
> Talk.
SALAMANDER: Guard guard guard. We are an elite team of village guards, guarding this orchard here.
SALAMANDER: Together we represent an impenetrable edifice of amphibious fury. There is no way anyone is getting through. Public safety is assured.
- * exit east into the mushroom orchard
-
- * click the controls icon at the top-right
-
Use ARROW KEYS (or WASD KEYS) to walk, SPACEBAR to attack, and HOLD SPACEBAR to charge mangrit. Interact with MOUSE.
- * walk to southwest corner of orchard and click the salamander
-
> Talk.
SALAMANDER: No I don't give a shit that there's a ridiculously powerful and deadly imp running around the orchard.
SALAMANDER: SOMEONE'S got to be farmin' all these goddamn fuckin' mushrooms, pain in the ass though truly it be.
SALAMANDER: So that's what I'm doing.
SALAMANDER: Standing around here
SALAMANDER: farmin' all these
SALAMANDER: goddamn
SALAMANDER: fuckin'
SALAMANDER: mushrooms.
- * chase the teleporting uranium imp around and attack him to drain his health vial and turn him into 34 units of Uranium grist.
- * Your charged mangrit attack will freeze the imp in place for a while if successful.
- * And hey, you might want to check out Trickster mode during the battle...
- * Press CTRL + T
-
pap:nak ::
- * Enter "shoosh:doof" as the password. You are now Dave.
- * Press CTRL + T to switch back to being John.
- * leave the orchard, and head back passed the guard salamanders
-
- * the secret grotto is hidden off this path, go north through the darker blue area...
-
> Talk.
SALAMANDER: You are entering the private and secluded alcove of the Clan of the Secret Wizard.
SALAMANDER: ...
SALAMANDER: shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
- * six salamanders on the east of the grotto, from south to north...
-
> Talk.
SALAMANDER: I fell asleep in a bush, and when I woke up, I was here, dressed in this absurd cloth. I am so confused, and a little afraid.
> Talk.
SALAMANDER: Glub glub. Hey kid. See these robes? Let's get beholding here. Chop chop.
> Talk.
SALAMANDER: behold my robes behold my robes behold my robes behold my robes behold my robes
JOHN: ok, jeez!!! i am beholding them as hard as i can right now, whatever that means. are you satisfied?
SALAMANDER: .................
> Talk.
SALAMANDER: I am beholding someone without the proper attire in our presence. This is most improper.
JOHN: Sorry. Where can I get some robes to join your club?
SALAMANDER: You really think it's that easy? This is an exclusive guild, and entry is only permitted through brutal ritualistic hazing.
SALAMANDER: By which I mean, we have more of these damn robes than we know what to do with, and we zealously recruit new members with virtually no standards at all.
SALAMANDER: Would you like to join? I will take your robe measurements right now.
JOHN: oh. nah, not really.
JOHN: i don't really feel like walking around wrapped up in a stupid bedsheet.
SALAMANDER: My tender ears have just been scalded by unthinkable blasphemies.
> Talk.
SALAMANDER: I'm kind of not really into this. I'm just doing this because of peer pressure.
SALAMANDER: To be honest, I'm getting a little tired of beholding all these goddamn robes. What does beholding robes even mean? Like, just looking at them? Is that it?
SALAMANDER: Don't tell anyone I said that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
> Talk.
SALAMANDER: I am going to ask you to do something. And it's totally up to you if you would like oblige. No pressure or anything.
JOHN: um... do you by any chance want me to behold your robes?
SALAMANDER: YOU ARE AN AMAZING GENIUS AND I LOVE YOU.
- * there's a pyxis at the east end of the grotto
-
> Open Pyxis
You got a FIREFLY!
Poor guy was trapped in there. Off you go, little fella. Join your friends in the clouds.
- * and four salamanders on the westside, from south to north...
-
> Talk.
SALAMANDER: Behold my robes, good sir. Behold them and may peace behold you.
> Talk.
SALAMANDER: Where is your Rag of Souls? You look absolutely ridiculous. Our secret society beholds you as foolish.
> Talk.
SALAMANDER: GLUB GLUB GLUB GLUB GLUB GLUB, yeah, just behold my robes already, ok? Sheesh.
> Talk.
SALAMANDER: Would you like to hear the story of the Clan of the Secret Wizard, and why you presently have the privilege of beholding my divine robes?
JOHN: but... those are my bedsheets! how did you get them?
SALAMANDER: Silence. I will not entertain such pluck from the lowly unenrobed.
SALAMANDER: Our great elder, the magnificent Secret Wizard was one day graced with the First Rag of Souls from the clouds.
SALAMANDER: He donned the oily, humble cloth and assumed the countenance of a simple beggar.
SALAMANDER: But lo, he beheld a great pillar of rock, and on that pillar he beheld an impossibly tall white tower belonging to the fabled Heir of Breath.
SALAMANDER: And so our leader ascended this pillar and this tower, but found no sign of the heir.
SALAMANDER: He did however find the Heir's floating blue servant, and she laundered his robes, and so the Rag of Souls was born anew.
SALAMANDER: Such was his magnanimity, he employed the Heavenly Machina to duplicate this relic and distribute robes to his many followers across the land, so that they too might be beheld with a beholden eye of admiration.
SALAMANDER: So it was, and so it shall have been behelt.
SALAMANDER: Now go. May beheld robes be with you always.
- * and a Pyxis
-
> Open Pyxis
You got YOUR OWN COPY OF HARRY ANDERSON'S 'WISE GUY' BACK!
Come on, this is getting ridiculous. Your prized belongings are being scattered to every corner of the globe!
- * leave the grotto, and head left i.e. west from the signpost into the village.
-
- * visit the salamanders from east to west...
-
> Talk.
SALAMANDER: I thought the spell was broken there for a moment! The clouds went away, and the fireflies were all buzzing around, acting disoriented.
SALAMANDER: But then the clouds came back! To be honest, I was a little relieved. I have grown fond of them. And if the fireflies were to escape from above, I would miss them dearly!
SALAMANDER: They're really pretty, and they're my friends.
JOHN: aw...
> Shop.
SNACK VENDOR: WELCOME! Looking for something tasty today???
SNACK STAND
- * You can buy any or all of these as many times as you choose
-
CONE OF BUGS - B$ 5
ONION - B$ 10
TASTY MUSHROOM - B$ 10
JAR OF BUGS - B$ 15
MUSHROOM SHAKE - B$ 15
BIG BOY MUSHROOM - B$ 25
GRASSHOPPER - B$ 100
ESCAPE TO EXIT
> Talk.
SALAMANDER: Our village has the best snack stand in the land! It offers the juiciest bugs and most succulent onions!
SALAMANDER: I'm so hungry. Alas, I have not a single boondollar to pop my bubble with.
JOHN: i've got loads of boondollars! here, i will treat you to a nice lunch.
[The salamander got 100 boondollars!]
SALAMANDER: Oh god oh god oh god, this is like a small fortune!
SALAMANDER: I can finally afford to try the most sublime delicacy on the menu. But, if I opt for that, I can aford nothing else that is tasty. Hmm...
JOHN: yes, i guess having money leads to some complicated decisions. oh well, enjoy!
- * same salamander...
-
> Talk.
SALAMANDER: I blew all my money on a grasshopper. It was...
SALAMANDER: Well, it was ok I guess.
- * next salamander (to north)...
-
> Talk.
SALAMANDER: Hey hey! I heard a rumor that you were some kind of Mr. Moneybags over here. Well boy do I have an offer for you.
JOHN: what is it?
SALAMANDER: A treasure! It will cost you 10,000 boondollars to discover what it is, and obtain it.
JOHN: wow, 10,000? that's a lot...
JOHN: but really, i guess it's not so much, since i have millions.
SALAMANDER: Millions??? Why didn't you say so. I revise my offer to 100,000 boondollars.
JOHN: hey! you can't do that.
JOHN: i will pay you 10,000, and that's my final offer!
SALAMANDER: You drive a hard bargain out of that silly toothed mouth of yours. Very well, the deal has been made.
You got a SMUPPET!!!;
JOHN: aaaauuuuugh, it was was one of dave's dumb butt puppets??? i hate these things! what a ripoff.
- * same salamander...
-
> Talk.
SALAMANDER: Oh wealthy tooth boy. I have another offer for you.
JOHN: i'm not doing business with you anymore, you scoundrel!
- * next salamander (to the south)...
-
> Talk.
SALAMANDER: All that commotion very nearly woke The Slumbering One, I think! That would have been dreadful.
SALAMANDER: But he is still asleep. I am sure that only the Heir can wake him, and break the spell over this land.
SALAMANDER: It's said the Heir will wake the denizen by playing a magical song only he can play, and when he wakes up, the Heir will meet the terrible beast face to face!
SALAMANDER: It is then that he will be offered The Choice. The nature of the Heir's triumph depends on what he chooses!
SALAMANDER: Then the Heir will lead us all to a beautiful place, with the most bristling insect furrows and the richest, dampest mushroom soil you could hope to farm.
SALAMANDER: Or so the story goes! Probably a lot of bullshit if you ask me.
> Talk.
SALAMANDER: Shhh... listen.
SALAMANDER: Do you hear that? He is still asleep, thank goodness.
SALAMANDER: But when the Windy Thing was kicking up all that fuss, it sounded like he was not happy at all.
SALAMANDER: It makes him absolutely furious when anyone other than him bends The Breeze to his will! It is not pleasant for anybody.
SALAMANDER: Luckily there is only one person who can do that, and he is surely a mythical figure, who only morons believe in.
- * climb the steps of the well
-
> Look inside.
- * freaky noises?
- * pyxis to your south
-
> Open Pyxis
You got a SMUPPET!
Oh great, just what you needed. A pipe full of puppet ass, nice.
- * three more salamanders, from east to west...
-
> Talk.
SALAMANDER: Oh man, look at that dashing style. Rumpled head objects are all the rage these days!
SALAMANDER: I would love to wear one, but I just don't have the money.
JOHN: hmm, well, i agree it is important to keep up with the fashions.
JOHN: tell you what, i will give you some money for a hat, so that you can be one of the coolest salamanders in town! here you go...
The salamander got 1000 boondollars!
SALAMANDER: oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god
SALAMANDER: oh my god oh my god oh my god
SALAMANDER: THANK YOU SO MUCH, I LOVE MY NEW RUMPLED HEAD OBJECT, AND I LOVE YOU.
JOHN: heheheh. you're welcome.
- * same salander...
-
> Talk.
SALAMANDER: THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU
- * next salamander who already had a hat...
-
> Talk.
SALAMANDER: I am the absolute pinnacle of fashionability. Marvel at the object upon my head, and admire the lustre of its velveteen rumples. It was so expensive.
> Shop.
HABERDASHER: HELLO! Looking for a head object that is rumpled and unsightly?
HABERDASHER: All of our head objects are rumpled and unsightly, fortunately!
- * You can buy any of these that you choose
-
RUMPLED HEAD OBJECT - B$ 1,000
EVEN RUMPLIER HEAD OBJECT - B$ 2,000
THE RUMPLIEST HEAD OBJECT OF ALL - B$ 5,000
ESCAPE TO EXIT
- * flagpole in the northwest
-
> Examine flag pole.
The flag is at half mast in honor of the heroes who lost their lives to the Green Tragedy.
Barbasol
Many brave firefighters deployed from the Heir's tower to extinguish the flames. Alas, they were all overwhelmed by its fury.
A memorial would be erected in their honor. It would be inscribed with the last words so frequently overheard, words of widsom to remember.
How can shaving cream be so flammable?
How indeed, brave heroes.
How indeed.
- * pyxis to your east
-
> Open Pyxis
WHOAAA! You got a WHOLE BOONCASE!!!!!!!
................
But it's empty, and therefore worthless. Too bad. You guess riches aren't quite so easy to come by.
- * north up the steps
-
> Shop.
MERCHANT: What will it be today?
FRAYMOTIF SHOP
~ FEATHERCADENCE - B$ 10,000,000
~ PNEUMATIC PROGRESSION - B$ 100,000,000
~ BREATHLESS BATTAGLIA - B$ 1,000,000,000
~ * IVORIES IN THE FIRE - B$ 10,000,000,000
~ ☼ MIXOLYDIAN MAELSTROM - B$ 200,000,000,000
~ ❋ FANTASIA'S INHALE - B$ 1,000,000,000,000
ESCAPE TO EXIT
- * try the FEATHERCADENCE
-
Argh, if only you hadn't given stupid Dave that stupid boonbuck, you could have bought this!!!
STRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- * try any of the others
-
Yeah, you you're not even remotely close to being able to afford this thing. Whatever it is.
- * final salamander
-
> Talk.
SALAMANDER: It is this way to what we locals call The Glow Shape. It is above the thing that the Heir will take his most important and legendary naps upon.
JOHN: oh! that must be my quest bed!
JOHN: er... i mean the heir's quest bed.
JOHN: i almost forgot i was being all sneaky and incognito here.
SALAMANDER: My response to that will simply be a singular, unintelligent and unpunctuated glub.
SALAMANDER: glub
- * head north...
-
You have found your destination. What would you like to do?
> Proceed to Quest Bed.
- * rather than...
-
> Keep exploring village.
> Start over.